Lost and Found "?????"

I'm an old man that says that nothing is ever lost by patience--Opportunity knocks continually forever--upscale consumer demand is insatiable---Improving prospects breeds rising expectations, not complacency--Good Coffee--J. Martinez and company-- Just as we have peripheral vision, we seem capable of peripheral attention---The phenomenon which can make even a tiny creature seem huge and menacing ,is called macropsia---I've learned that no one in the world knows what's going on in the mind of a another human being---Remember this about doing impulsive things you'll always have minor regrets about them all your life and what's worse no explanation for why you did them---revolving emptiness--Restlessness can tear out your insides-- " Only he can wholly enjoy to whom enjoyment is no necessity"--(W.E. Hocking)--The complexity of trying to exist simply--blazing new trails has always been harder than improving old roads Business is change --what next, what's going to be--technological quality and innovation--new ideas are less ends in themselves than they are links in a continuing chain of ideas--new inventions are links in a continuous chain of innovations---Cheerfulness that masks hidden anguish can be more frightening than the messy truth--the person who is willing to let go is sure of being understood ,and only friendship which can stand occasional plain speaking is worth having---we have lost the courage to hope--we are sowing what we do not mean to reap--nothing so unites enemies as the knowledge that they have been the common victim of a third mischievous party---this is a mad world of roads ,and concrete blocks and bricks, and people going somewhere else because they can't stand where they are, because they've ruined where they are, to get some where else which is ruined, to come back to where they were---One cannot win a war for democracy by dictatorial methods---Big cities swallow up strangers--Chalk things that are disagreeable up to experience and you'll never do them again---Don't let anyone fool you: beggars can be choosers--A man can quit a job lot easier than he can get it back---If I take my whole passionate, spiritual and physical love to the women who in turn loves me, that is the way I serve GOD---No one leaves adolescence clearly without a foretaste of death--Reality must become totally re-evaluated --the clarity of purposively realized objectivity is the most supernatural of all visions--Marriage is an open window of opportunity--It is not easy for two members of a race, in this century, to learn again how to make  love  webs mesh as they should--Good poets render a strict accounting of their souls---Yet the relentless accumulation of the individually imperceptible adds up to a crushing weight--How hollow is your existence ? How shallow is your life ? The world is as it should be--there is something in the world that prevents any absolute state that can endanger it's continuation--now more than ever one must remind oneself that it is wasteful folly to wish that time would pass, or as the puritanical old saying used to have it--to kill time until time kills you---It's something in the eyes that seem to reveal awareness that it was never going to be-- a different look about the eyes it loses  a certain blank expression characteristic of those that have associated with only there own kind.. Speech is a great civilizer and just listening to what is only vaguely comprehended as an attempt at communication does something to even a small brain--we are "Compulsory Protein Feeders"--But if animals are deprived of hope (as well as fear) ,they are compensated by being given an almost endless patience for enduring , or simply for waiting--They say that when one of Tolstoi's acquaintances, who happened to be a bigoted meat eater ,came to dinner, he found a chicken and a knife tied to the table leg; if he wanted meat Tolstoi told him, he would have to prepare it himself--there is more than one kind of dirty work which we habitually hire others to do for us---Men and women have rationalized in many different ways their decision to disregard the scruples they could not help feeling--A snowflake is proof that inanimate nature, by the very physical laws of her being, creates comeliness and symmetry--Beauty would exist without an eye to see it in precisely the same degree and precisely the same way that a sound would exist even though there were no ear it could fall upon---My home --I could find no more wonderful place--I've withdrawn from the great world into a little one of my own--Why is woods ,trees, streams, leaves, red mud, ground, country roads, ah hell anything out of the city--I know people who love the city--I grew up there--I know the excitement--I don't "question it" you watch the changes come on people gradually--it does not happen real fast--

Zen and birds with no appetite sing beautifully-

Harshness to others who have been harmful to us may seem like a road paved with wisdom--"Often in the end the wise bow to the beautiful". (Holderlin)

The city--it's the soul of the universe it beats like a heart in the midst of a tremor--I don't quarrel with the love of any form of life--I enjoy mine--when I can find time to make it my own--Have you ever owned anything with anyone else--talk about hard it's like slowing down and not wanting too--Try for every minute you're going to get --I watched my as  my wife's last light went out of her eyes--all I know is that it made "missing her greatly;" an attitude that happened in my life--it carried thru thick and thin times that changed inside of whatever I thought mattered--It gave me the insight that others "do matter"-actually it scared me "awake"  --I had no idea I had come this far from what "a life I loved"-a dream come through--thoughts that mattered--no crosses to bear --no schemes in my mind--the only telltale sign that's left --is a fat ass caress overweight, thinning hair, bad breath, bad attitude, bad back, bad legs, and I prefer laying down as sitting up--bad eyes, and one of the worst eating habits that's made a quivering fool out of me whenever something has salt ,sugar, and the elusion that it's good for me--A shot or two of coffee --an 81 Bayer aspirin, a biscuit with a little twister in it and I'm good to get--at three o'clock in the morning --with a light on inside my front porch (enclosed) bugs trying to get to the light source--are every where tinkling on my windows, screens, and under the door--that made me stop and think--I'm barefooted and don't care for things crawling over my feet--under a darkened table--and example I got up because I used the rest room-- a little before three early--my dog got up --usually means she needs to exactly what I did--I let her out got some cereal -put it on the table next to my book and tablet--more or less waiting on Sammy the dog (She's a girl) I get comfortable--settled more like it--start reading and taking notes concentrating--a big black moth fly's by my mind--what went through it was a huge--it could have been an air-o-plane--I wasn't expecting that type of thing--I spilled my cereal--had to clean it up--took my bowl to the sink--reached in and grab the wash cloth--and damn if a scorpion wasn't on the rag--right on the tip of my finger--you gotta do what you have to do--so I got a beer didn't want to totally give up on the night--of course Sammy 's waiting and brings another dog in with her Beau--I get me some water because I'm going back to the front porch where I was earlier in the day--computer, books, writing desk, the works, anyway I start getting ready --turn on the light --and out of the corner of my eye--I see this rather large blackness--Darth Vader--a spider with outstretched--he had " menacingly effective potential "I hit at that sucker -I stomped at that sucker and missed every time remembering I was barefooted didn't help--anyway three o'clock, not much sense, from Georgia, living out in the middle of no where--with a beer and I'm loose--I finally got the spider with a long object you stick in golf bags to hold your clubs separate --It certainly was long enough --I just don't feel up to war when I'm barefooted --you know most people like to dress for the part--the communications from nature are always ill received...

Why can't we and nature get along or together on any thing--we have the same air--we are on the same area of land--(we're apart of evolutionary progression) we know each other just from living and experience of sharing moments in the same locality--why do we continue to act antagonistic to one another--Howl in the Night  (like marriage when something can't be agreed upon)

In human beauty with it's grandeur--"the sublime" carries us into patience an area we don't have much room for anymore--as a matter of fact without patience you can get down right ornery--all the time--excuses a word I've been thinking about comes to mind---The Word is  " Deviousness " Strange for a word to pop up like that --they never learn --they live by instinct--my end stinks to but it don't tell me a thing--The things we've done to others and others have done to us almost " tit for tat "How long do those tits and tats last--forever--what comes to mind is forgiveness--the word--the thought--the mind--the soul--the heart--we're talking touching the inside--the within--where the laboratories have been cooking for years--gives me chills just thinking we could be headed back to where things were simple--where you could breath and think I'm with my fellow man--and not worry about being stabbed in the back--this doesn't mean that you don't have to stand on your own two feet--you owe
--we owe--try staying tender--because we are --helpless ness in this world hurt's a lot--It means co-operating --no matter what the destinies are exposed and let loose----Hatred, deviousness--get together like bees and honey--we are nothing more than what we are--face it--the quicker the better for you are on the road to the end life--don't waste it--If you're not who you want to be--well--if you don't enjoy what you're doing--well--if you are afraid to get out on your own--well--your destiny, my destiny, other's destinies, none other matters; but what is your own--fix it--put it own--try it out--a new fashion--a new thrill--it's an eye opener when you consider what you are doing exposing the inner self--no holds bared--a god's send--a thought provoking experience--

 De Musset said---That only the passing sorrows curse heaven;  the big sorrows just listen. . Comfort is the last word you should remember in living--do unto others as you would have them do unto you--every thing is gained--we are not losers even when the deletions are totaled

Dickinson:
  
The earth reversed her hemisphere---
I touched the universe---

And back it slid--and I alone--    
A speck upon a ball
Went out upon circumference

Most of the time I feel I'm in the midst of an illusion--mildly dissociative symptoms--detached, out of what I feel comfortable--out of character--a wilderling wondering unnerved --with no direction of my own--I grope --like trying to get out of quicksand--hold pull myself out--black night to early morning hours light and my way back home-   _-