A neighbor has sheep--several of my dogs went over to his pasture-and did some damage to his sheep killed quite a few--maybe ten or eleven--and would probably keep on killing more--they say when dogs get started they continue--I live way out in the woods--so a fence is out for my dogs--anyway it would have to be huge --tall--the dogs is an Alaskan Malamute--and a white Lab--those are the only ones I know about--the ones he saw--he didn't shoot them--around here that's what they do--just shoot the animals and go on about their business--not mentioning it to anyone--life goes on--but instead of having to go through that --I had the dogs put to sleep--but I wonder if the vet did that--cause--the dogs involved were beautiful--I guess I'll never know--but was thinking bout them today--Champ and Lakoda--must have weighed in around 175 pounds gray and white with blue eyes--Champ about 95 pounds--all white and sweet as pie can imagine her killing anything...when Birney (Neighbor) found out what I'd done--he was upset--and said you shouldn't have done that--which maybe I shouldn't have--but neighbors--you never know--I didn't want the dogs to be shot--they might have been injured--and in pain running around
It has become light enough where I can turn off the lights--and still see the key board...started to fix me banana sandwich for breakfast--and still may do it--getting a little hungry--it just turned 8:00 and i'm still giving out my free thoughts--letting them run amoco--had to ask my daughter what day it was--when I stay home all the time--I don't give a darn what day it is...when I ask --no telling why I want to know--it may just be that I'm wondering if it a football day--like Saturday--and there'll be a lot of games to watch..
If you want to have a broken heart or feel sadness which i can't blame you if you don't then go to Boxer rescue or really any dog or pet rescue site--really if I had the money and the I would be hard pressed not having one hell of a lot of animals---I guess I would be having a lot of boxers--cause that the kind of dog I would be enjoying most...
Timber Rattler
Braves really disappointed in them this year--it almost seems like a growing year for them like none of them have been playing very long--the whole line up seems to be swinging for the fences from the get go--all guess work...not studying the pitcher at all--just let me in there and I'll swing away...and hope I contact...when they started talking about Freddie Freeman how he was connecting on the first pitch with a good percentage--I knew then if the coach didn't tell them to slow down we were infer a lot of trouble--and the pitchers were going to be up shit creek--pitchers have to have some rest between innings--to cool down--and with batters going for the bleachers all the time there's no way they can get that little extra rest..thank God they got rid of the second baseman--Giants got him--I don't want to even remember his name...the Braves just don't seem like they have any steadiness in them---they can't seem to get it together all at once and keep it--when you count on them winning it's like they know it but can't get it up there--not like they're trying to hard--just--the gumption isn't there--I think it has a lot to do with the kind of coaching--he seems to just let things continue--I know he been trying by the way he does the line-up but when you let the players just keep doing the same old thing--changing the lineup isn't going to help unless you add into it some heavy hitters--or have a big change for a very big reason...
I have had some time to think about a trip I made to Gainesville,Ga. for an eye exam and to get some new glasses...I use a cane to get around better not faster but better--I don't really knowhow far I'd get without the use of a cane--haven't really tried bout I do know when you start using things four support you start counting on them and feel really insecure without them...went with my daughter whom I guess you could say is a sort of care giver or someone to help get more done...or get around better--cause I sure as heck din't like going any where--and really have to think about it if I do--not like real quick like but over night..and then some cause if I can get out of it __I will
Had a guy come over and help clean up and do things--cut some weeds down, clean up around the fireplace--weed eat---make the place look a little less like some doesn't live here--out in the country you don't know or think any thing could happen --maybe it couldn't but you never know--thee other day I was sitting at the computer--which is actually on my front porch (enclosed) and looking out the window here comes someone up my driveway--didn't know them from Adam--cause the car was unfamiliar and plus I got a glimpse of the driver--had no clue--so I just stayed where I was and thought to myself they'll just go away and want get out cause the dogs were raising hell and besides I was busy---whoever it was started tooting their horn--I kept my place for a few more minutes and they kept at the horn like it was the most import an thing in the world that they get me involved in their life--I got up got my cane and walker hobble to the back door opened it and the dogs were still raising sand--she rolled down her window and started yelling something out the window--by the way I'm also hard of hearing--(the audiologist's said I had about 10 % hearing and I needed these nice new hearing aides that would possibly give a minor amount of hearing back in my ears but wouldn't do much more than that for my hearing) well anyway this lady was trying to yell over the dogs and then she motioned for me to come out to her car--so she could get into a better conversation with me--I raised my hand and told her with a gesture to go away--and leave me be--I did it two or three times so she'd get the message--then I closed the door and locked it--and came on back to the front porch and set down---I guess she got the message cause I saw her pulling back down the driveway--and that was the last I saw of her--out in the woods--love it--
Started reading Jeffrey Deaver book--I think this might be the first of his I read--also reading a modern book on westerns--tried to watch T.V. las tonight but had to shut it down--went back to reading my books--went out to my library and found some books that I thought would be worthwhile reading and came back in and started getting the dog food ready so Janet could get the food to the outside dogs...Sammy has hurt the bottom of his foot on either a nail or cut it on something sharp--has to keep the weight off his left leg put some ointment on it last night...she's laying in my bed as of right now--hopefully she'll be there the rest of the day...
Yogurt--got a shipment in the other day--I buy yogurt from an Atlanta company and have them ship to me by federal express or UPS one of the two--12 cartons at a time..and it's Greek yogurt--excellent--stuff--enjoy it --and I feel good about eating it--the food now seems to be (especially the stuff you buy in the grocery stores seems so tasteless--you might say watered down to where they squeezed out the last ounce of good where nothing is left that could save them a dollar--I don't know how they could keep making things smaller--maybe they figure it's a way to make people reduce--pretty soon they have everything down to pill size..or where you can just think about eating something and that'll cost you the original price..but at least the yogurt..has a taste that doesn't linger with a bad taste in your mouth...
I've got a lot of stuff left around the house that I've accumulated over the years..thinking about getting rid of it--going over what I should do with it--lots of times moving it around--putting here and there--then later on moving it around again--just keep moving it as close to the back door as I can get it--then out the backdoor to the garage where it sits until I have to get to something behind it--and move it again --then I start thinking you know i could probably sell that then deciding I don't need the aggravation or what it would take to get it out of here..the money I could get really seems to beyond what I'm thinking--I don't want to think about how much I could get after all it's just left overs from years and years of not using it--maybe someone could get some use out of it--a lot of it is some materials my wife had gathered when she was doing crafts--I kept her stuff for over a year now and I guess I should have gotten rid of it--that sounds so tough or simple but handling it sort of gets to feeling like I don't care but it's rough having to make decisions about someone else's important things that meant a lot to them when they were around--most people get rid of these type of things right off--but I've let them gather dust and have wandered around them now for over a year..now is the time..I going to start getting on the ball again--and do something about them...
I watch T.V.--news--and sports mainly baseball and football(when it's on) when I can see something between all the commercials--and that may be a big mistake watching T.V.--all the stations available and I have to keep changing the channels to find something that's worthwhile...to even think about watching..but usually I just turn it off and get on the computer--trying to interest myself in something interesting to relate--it's hard because unless it's something in the spactacular range or something so gory it's just another thought that should not have been divulged...but again I would like to make things simple again...things that are really interesting about ourselves--getting back in touch with what matters...feelings--I just got a e-mail from Boxer rescue--they were letting me know that they were sending my Boxer tee-shirt to me sooner than expected--wanted to make sure I was going to be in town..also wanted to give me some information on some other things I might like to do for Boxer rescue--if I was so inclined...
Well to tell you the truth and I don't care whether you're black or white--I'm tired of all this Ferguson business--it just seems like a little bitty Watts--and all this crap about Racism--and all the disgruntled people all over the world--nobody is having any fun except the rich and famous--if there's ever been a time when all the poor should get together-it's now black and white--cause all that's happening now is we're getting farther and farther apart and the rich can only love that--strife is one thing that can lay hidden anywhere--and it stay there a long, long time--this morning some show brought Heraldo Rivera on the scene and he was spouting against the ISIS about us needing to go to war--with them and how we could blow them out of the sky--and off the face of the earth--this guy was going at it lime he was stoned--rapping like crazy--every body has there own plan of how to take care of everything--he was saying that the people was consulting were not doing him any good and blah-blah-blah--really made me turn him off you know like watching and had the sound off--that the way I watch baseball now--the announcers are always saying what the play just was and if I'm watching the game I don't really need their input--again I think we need to go back to just every body just grunting--with gyrations to make a point…I heard a long time ago about this guy named Imus--never seen him before but I was trying to get a little more newsy items and came upon this guy sitting in front of the camera with this cowboy hat nearly covering his whole face--and a microphone in front of him well now I had to see who this guy was and low and behold it wasn't God but it was close--Now folks--if there ever was a dog on the face of this earth--well never mind he must have something to say--cause he had a whole lot of friends who came on with him and they should have all been grunting--you know like a bunch of pigs just before they saw the person with the slop coming out the door--I keep wondering when the women are just going to start going in front of the cameras naked some of the dresses--if they keep getting any shorter--might as well not be there--yes I am a pig and nudist for women fan--just got through having my breakfast at 10:40 and what I had would make me dead if I keep eating it--6 pieces of bacon cut in half--two sausages patties and 2 pieces of toast with strawberry preserves grits and a coke--now I ask you--does that sound sickening--I am going to have to bring this up why are we out of our country again--we're always some where else--why aren't we at home taking care of our own backyard--we have infrastructure problems --we have border problems--we have social problems--we have racial problems--we have children problems--we have personal problems--we have religious problems--we have credit problems--and yet we go out of our country to find other peoples problems to cater to--anything to keep us from containing and taking care of our own problems--we'll take care of for you--just give us a call or let us know you are in need--but you can't be living in the good old U.S.of A. thank you very much
I was watching the news --paying as little attention as I could while stuffing my face with a load of goodies I'd just gone into the kitchen and found with luck--I live with several grandchildren and if there are any sweets left the next minute or the next day I get my pick from the leftovers--then I get in front of the T.V. and watch whatever and stuff myself silly--nice day right--well watching this crap about Iraq--and these Isis or whatever--and learn they are holding some Dam--and we're into blowing them to bits--we're over there in there own neighborhood blowing them up--right--then the announcer says that we had built this Dam or we had spent 30 million dollars to help build this Dam damn--I didn't know that--did you--how can we be doing so much out of our own country--and we're not even taking care of what we have here..30 million dollars..come on folks--you know if we are doing that kind of thing for those folks..there all kinds of graft going on…that really not the point I understand..what is the point we're taking care of other folks business--and not taking care of ourselves--that's what happens when you let others take care of your business without paying attention to what is going on…can you imagine how much we are spending outside our own country--it blows my mind…and with the idiots that are in the political arena today--my God…the embassies, the government employees, in other parts of the world..look we need to re-evaluate this whole process of U.S. in other countries..we have no business being in other countries--I don't give a damn--what others say--or their views--it's none of our business what others need and don't need--we have more problems than we can handle--and we need to start getting them taken care of instead of running around trying to stay busy taking care of others--and saying oh how wonderful we are and not facing our own slowly increasing decay…am I the only person that sees this--or are others out there getting a little concerned..look we had a white president, a black president, and you want to have some fun all we need is a mexican president or "Hillary Clinton" with her mouthy husband..I'm here to tell you folks we're in for it…you better get off your duff and start making noise…is there any way to find out how much we are spending out of this country--wars, embassies, armed forces headquarters, our interests are becoming less not more important being spread all over the world..we can get places so much more faster than we use to--we need to reevaluate all our positions and get everybody back home..holy smokes just think of all the money we could save and put back into our own infrastructures that are crumbling...
The situation had clearly called for cunning and stealth, but in the heat of the moment I had forgotten that the smart take--it away from the strong… (interlinked web of life)
French Cognac--is straight Sneaky Pete --with a wallop like a mule--tasty--guaranteed--to cure snakebite, ague, and every form of rheumatism known to medical quackery...
To pursue the matter further would be whipping a dead horse, and I wasn't one to waste time or energy on lost causes...
I stated things as certainties that up until a minute ago had been only idle speculations in the back of my head...
Eternity awaits us all and it comes soon enough without foolishly tempting it beyond safe limits...
It's strange how little it takes for a huge mental change…When walking down the paths of one's memories --the invariable crossroads, as well as the crosshairs--bring to mind--a lot of what if 's---I am indifferent to historical truth and will always touch up the picture to make the lights and shades more glaring and the folly or wickedness of others more obvious…awareness is the greatest agent for change…awareness is the power that is concealed within the present's of moment…
The infinite is that which is limitless and exhaustless…
It is a mathematical truism that you cannot contract the infinite, and that you can expand the individual; and it is precisely on these lines that evolution works...
Power of recognition expands--"Life" means power…
Mental quality, not material appearance, determines validity and true reality…
The mental soul of our existence is always with us--if we would only sense it's presence
It's a matter of reaching out to explain --there are the limitations of one individual to another--it's a matter of feeling--one can never know for sure--if one is reaching another--defining from one individual to another lacks feel-- the bridge and recognition of another individuality affirms the point at which our own individuality ceases and another begins…
Have no anxious thoughts about the morrow…sound philosophy…
A metaphor--is a word that stands for other words…
Our very survival has come to depend upon our ability to delay, even ignore the promptings of immediate impulse…and physical necessity...
Pull out roots of your worst fears…Like Ivy, they creep back, latching on to the chambers of your heart, leeching out the safety of your soul, then slithering through your veins and out your pores…I'm your spiritual soul mate--The atmosphere plays with my imagination--but then so do I--in moments when alone--I crowd my mind with never ending wheels of fortune--and adventure-- always ending with me as the hero--getting the girl or the gold…this sacred mystery this faulty state of mind cloudy with ignorance and delusions gives new hope, even a clear light, a profound awakening, even sound knowledge, unfolding intelligence, we all must internalize something in order to discover that we are somebody…and we are
Fear and faith are both mental…
Central control of our personality--(our true interests) But what is tangible other than results?---
Mental Vibrations--combinations of thought unite to produce definite effects---everything in the physical universe is an effect---and exists only by virtue of some invisible cause…
Spiritual thought--means an absolute belief in, and reliance upon +++Truth+++
Subconscious--is the mental law of our being, the creative factor within us--Mind is only consciousness--subconscious mind works on our conscious mind--by intelligent thought analysis--causing realization--thought and conviction corrected making essential states of our consciousness--in our daily lives--freeing us in peace, clear thinking, and happiness...
Your soul as a survivor--is you taking yourself out of the emotional moment--and comprehending
it from afar--removing oneself--and re-evaluating it from above--seeing the situation as happening
to some one else so it can be thought out rationally...
Dreary bundles--anxious thought (worries) and chaotic emotion--do not give these emotions power over you by dwelling on them in morbid discouragement--revolving--spinning--the revolving door syndrome...
Remember the "Limbo"--try to throw all that into the limbo where it belongs give it no credence or fastening room; it will then clutch emptiness and be swept away--impulses of the moment are next in line..and will survive…like new news
States of the mind--intellectual perceptions--that's all they are--wild--streams of consciousness--(the entrance of thy words giveth light)--you might your wild spiritual awareness--
Ignorant emotional habits (emotional distress turmoil)--meeting mysteries of daily living...
Mental agitations (Disturbances) in the mind similar in the physical world as a stone in one's shoe…
Emotions are wild and unpredictable as the weather and must be faced and controlled or dominated…they are mental states arising spontaneously rather than through conscious effort-- feelings
How much of our lives occurs simply because we took a wrong turn somewhere...
Our daily lives wears away the parts of our lives which want make it to the end...
Pot head lectures "the runs on dope"--sense of responsibility that hung over me...
Work and non-working conditions have been crushing the poor--they are sinking through degradation --and welfare…complicated histories and frustrated needs…racial antagonism--muscular prose--
I was looking up the Braves score from last night game--when they play the Doggers-- it's like I can't keep my eyes open after ten o'clock I try to hang in there but why fight it--sleep calls and I listen--the hell with the Braves--they don't hardly do anything but strikeout especially when they are counted on--I can't believe how far they gone away from good baseball--all the runs scored and how they treat pitchers--when I played we respected them way more than they do now--when a pitcher is on the mound he's the man…when batters go in to bat they don't swing at the first pitch--they watch the pitcher on the other team and learn his pitching style--then they wait on the pitch they're looking for---they also think of their own pitcher--he resting on the bench--give him as much time as can be given--the way good players and considerate players can do that is facing the other pitcher as long as they can--make him work his butt off trying to get you out--don't swing at the first pitch--make him work the full count every time--I saw the Braves the other night --all three batters swing at the first pitch and they all grounded out and it was time for the Braves pitcher--to go right back out--he hardly had time to sit on the bench-- Baseball has no respect for themselves--hang in there for more money swing at all costs--the fence--the ones that are the best respect each other...
Areas in my garden are being rediscovered--some rocks I put in place years ago are being uncovered and what they add to what I'm doing is almost perfect--I'm exposing them in the middle of my planting and they just look like they naturally fit in that particular spot and if I add something else to the spot making sure that it also fits and adds it's own peculiar identity--the bed grows into a natural setting in my garden--Should a plant have better courage than a member of what we call a superior species….
I haven't turned on the air yet--the air at night seems cool enough if I stay up late enough and I do read in bed--silly but to me reading in bed is a good way to fall asleep…I usually take a small baby aspirin and hit the hay--drifting off into never never land on the page of an open book--I keep a tablet and pen--so I can record whatever I need to when I come across something I feel has value--
Fireside Chats--could I call what I'm trying to get done before I die--fireside chats--hmmmm does humming mean that you are in the depths of thought or has it just been--what if-- from the day you felt for the first that what you said meant something--similar to the first time you turn on a lightbulb---would there be trust---one of the first feelings I believe should be-- the one of truth backed by soul plucker--and if this happened-- it would be-- your first baby step-- into what you want the rest of your life to be--comfortable--makes me think of King Arthur's Round Table--with all those good guys sitting around --exposing,exploring,gossiping,spreading whatever because it never came up--the beer went down the talk went down--and the evening ended in like I don't know if i solved a lot of things--but gosh I feel a lot "lighter hearted"I do emphasize words every once and a while--mainly they were buzz words--like on your mobile"theBuzz"--together--anyway what I was going to get at--was what if you could have carried that same feeling--atmosphere thru-- from day one in your work-a-day--till whenever--it ain't whatever--it's whenever for all baby boomers…I miss the camaraderie--I miss caring-- for what did that guy say--when somebody thought they said something important--it was…the forked tongue and it's many twists and deviations--say it--intuition--grab the truth of what you say--reach for the relaxation of it--non-fattening--guaranteed--we're hopefully not losing sight of why I reaching out--was about to say--what we're saying--delving into your times in your life find the happiest times--and feed them and make them multiply--every minute can be taken up--all the way down to the root of why you're life has become stressed out--and you compensate--by doing things you would never do unless--you found out what really matters to you and what's left of your days---One of my sons--is out there--2 of them are waiting on whenever--I've got a daughter--whose life is controlled by the never, never, land and has found some sort of relief---sounds like a flat tire to me++ but again I'm not riding--I'm playing the field--choices--lost in the realm of deception--deprived childhood--no-- I just want it all--and wondering how it could possibly fit--within my all ready over flowing life style--and I don't even have to get out of my chair in front of my computer--Lordy--he sure does work in mysterious ways--whatever I say--I'm accountable--I don't keep bookkeepers around-- to secretly keep every word-- what ever I say is not a foregone conclusion -- a-to-pic--not an epic either--just something to let out--like a fish-hook with lure--how do you satisfy some one other than yourself--can I grant you something--find out what makes them happy--and they'll make me happy--I guess you can say those discussions I had during my visits to the "Imaginary Grill" was the beginning of what I thought I was getting involved in when I left school--that was what work was about--looking back on it--I realize what an alien I must have been to all the old guys--who--had seen it all--had their ticket in their "comfort zone"--and here's this "Georgia Cracker Kid"--doing what-- and wanting what-- exactly…h-mmmm--Football games--girls, wild times at all hours of the night--parties backed up by parties--and things that were a part of the parties--that started and got away--what a realm--the realm of perpetual go--I always wondered if there were different speeds--I know if finances where involved--it-- all had to be free--fraternities--are for acting like you'll never normally be--then you'll notice, learn how friends--are more trouble than they're worth…I grant you-- time that you've built up with someone--is not worthless--it sometimes could have been life saving--or more than opening--the door to understanding--but letting you out from under the feeling you were alone--could everybody be living a lie??? legitimate question since no-one will face up to the truth--have you ever looked hard for "Truth"the truth--is more easily said than a falsehood--which does leave you with a burden to carry--the truth comes straight out--no holes barred--it doesn't waver--aiming there's no point--straight as an arrow--you can feel it most when talking to more than yourself--it's like an internal friendly nudge-"-agreed" is understood--the good old boy attitude--listen I do not separate boys and girls except in one way when dealing with men--I'm on a useful track--with a women--I am thinking of my mother--how she grew up and would she look like this at some stage in her life--I'm sorry I just can't believe that women would ever want to simply come into the world of finance--it's beyond me--and another thing-- we might get out of the way--"Black and White and Yellow or even red or any color--I see that color--I see that person--I respect that person--we're one-on-one, I can't look at someone in front of me and not see who they are--knowing all the experience they went trough to get in front of me..cause I know I went through a hell of a lot of experience to get where the heck they'd want to be in front of me and it will mean what it was going to mean--to both of us…take one word and say it all the time--make sure--it's a word that you want to always respect--carry it with you and say it---what a difference a day makes--when you walk all day with a friend--saying what needs to be said--feeling what needs to be felt--and knowing comfort from the inside--out--also the after math--when you get by yourself again--you think of the word "Flush"
Waiting for rain--received a message that another one of my High School friends died--I say friend--when growing up there are so many different changes going on--and you accept whatever comes down the pipe--even people--David reminded me and still does to a great extent--of the giant in the Munsters..tall guy--brow sort of hanging over like some kind of Neanderthal man--hulking presence--a good kind person--Lawyer type for Bankrupt people--after high school like most people--our relationship didn't last-- but through odd ball meetings we did keep in touch--but over time we lapsed into nothingness and until the communication I didn't even know he lived and died within a few miles of me…I can only hope he died without pain--and also hope his life was worth it…another down the tubes..see you around David
I don't want you to think I'm struggling here cause I'm not but I do have things I think about--especially about how I live and have lived--growing up--my mind has been cluttered up with all kinds of irrelevant information…I am a well adjusted adult who wants nor desires trouble--looking for anything that lets me mind my own business..comfort..looking for a personal meaning for my life..and wishing I had found it sooner…This search in self-discovery--led me to where I am today alone looking down on the world from my own private place--avoiding most people--and secluded from neighborly friendships--paths I took were only thought out by random selection from the moment at hand no more planned than a joint away…I reached through the elements surrounding me and came up with nothing next so I let whatever detain me so I wouldn't have to think about what was going to happen next--I wavered and looked for nothing but fun--the pasture always seemed greener some where else..I had no direction of my own--I followed--waiting as if something big was coming my way--whatever it was never came--I'm still in that same frame of mental alertness--waiting--seeming to think that my time will still come--I've discovered that openness to the undetermined meaning of each individual moment transformed ordinary external events into extraordinary personal experiences…I fell the the holes in society--looking for all the sites and sounds amplified by the dopiness of my experiences--looking for meanings that seemed to be going some where else..leaving a trail I couldn't find the opening too--I absolutely hung out with people who had no ambition to do anything except look for the easiest way out..hoping that luck would get them some where other than where they were.. routes I explored left me with nothing out of the ordinary--songs and the experiences that I got involved in brought me back to every day life--my eyes opened-- I began to feel like I'd found this unopened can of worms--I started looking for alternate paths that led somewhere..that could possibility mean a new beginning--to old eyes that thought--they'd seen it all--empty beaches--lonely wooden paths..secluded corners which gave me seclusion so I could observe…let me see how I wasn't different as I happened to think I was…I began to participate--everything had it's own meaning--all had depth--there were no short cuts--avoidance of wasting my time with people who meant nothing gave me more time to experience connection with personal friends that evolved over into moments of touching another's soul--domestic intimacy--a WOMAN cmd thru the door of my life long struggle with myself and secured a place I never thought could be filled by anyone-other than myself--I'm still in the faze where life isn't what it should be--we're supposed to have a wonderful life--engaged in what pursuits give our life meaning--work seems to have it's place for people who've found their enjoyment in life but for those who have been left out of this engaging experience--there are choices--other than giving it up--I now play at work in a different light--one which leaves me alone again to do what I call "doing nothing" it seems a waste but for the feelings I have which embody a life long search for how I feel about things which matter…what matters is "us"I explore deep inside the points I feel have been left untouched and need expression--ones crushed down by my own insensitivity..I hurt sometimes when I go back over what I've let happen in my presence--ashamed I guess would be a good term to explain it--but it does let me see more and more how we are all alike--in humanness and that we're capable of doing wrong and we should at some point acknowledge that as it should be…something accepted…unexpected opportunities--ever since my wife died recently--I've had this fascination in lurking on my trail--getting closer--dreading that I might not get to see tomorrows sun come up--everyday I open my eyes--I feel full of Zen..like every personal encounter--gives rise like some sort of sexual experience--one to impress how important it seems it ought to be--my fundamental human concerns--genuinely new thoughts--take me back to poetry and the great philosophers I read as I grew into what I am now--Tagore--Jaspers--Dylan Thomas--Jung--Sartre--Heidigger--Kierkegaard--R.D.Laing--Budda--and other Indian Mystics--not excluding any walks on the wild side--which I took on occasions which were often not good for my soul--I have to make a recommitment to intuitive,subjective experience…make it worth what a human event should be-looking at our personal selves in a truthful light--a revolution for "truthful" evolution...
Knowing is not enough: we must apply…
Willing is not enough: we must do… Goethe
The moon casts like on the sides of trees enlightening the bark on that side of the tree--almost like a gray sheen or shine--the leaves show up but in their own way--gray-brown mix--at night--
Informational" Imagination"
Deep experience is never peaceful…Henry James
Hope--another good sign I'm still alive--also the Forsythia is in bloom I can see it from my computer room window--the last of the daffodils are just fading --I've got leaves coming or I should say just showing on the maples(Sugar) some of my japanese maples are showing green unfurling--so I'm hoping we don't have any more freezes but we've had them around Easter quite a bit--sat outside and looked out in the woods--up here you don't here a sound unless you want to count breath as a sound
I guess these are going to be the last days when you can see clearly through the woods cause when the leaves come out sight is held to a minimum as one looks into the woods--but all kind of shadows become prominent---Boxwoods have at least 3 or 4 inches of new growth--Viburnum is in full bloom smells up the whole yard---I've got three beers left in the refrigerator and it's Friday and I want be able to get to the store--maybe some kind friend will call will assist me in that department--I hope... I hope then again maybe I don't need the beer could it be a sign from above---Noticed my first mosquito last night I'm sure it wasn't the first just the first I noticed also when I went in and got my haircut yesterday there was an ant crawling on the wall--Out side the Barber shop I noticed an old rose bush extremely over grown and needed attention as far as pruning was concerned--it's branches were all per the outside of the building and this gave good access to the windows of the building so no wonder there were insects crawling on the wall--the guy I usually have helping me around the house just went past the window --he's blowing outgo the gutters for the last time until next year--I noticed them piling up in the corners from an upstairs window--good to keep them clean so during the summer the rains want back up and over flow down the inside of the gutters--My Azaleas and Camellias have just been pruned even the Forysythia--I pruned back this year -cause it had gotten out of bounds--my cow manure guy said he couldn't help me this year--about bringing my load of manure--so instead of using cow manure I went and bought a good deal of Cottonseed meal--spread at a cup to each good Azalea and 2 cups to each good size Camellias…some of my camellias were caught with some blooms on them when we had a heavy frost--killed the back the buds and some blooms--I'm having the dead blooms pulled of as well as the flowers--some of the side branches have become out of shape--meaning outside the normal shape of the shrub--so I having them removed and these beaches are going to be used as cuttings...
God can put you back together again but you must give him all the pieces….
Been trying to stay at home all the time so far, so good--son came up to help get taxes in order for the accountant--he took daughter and grandson and granddaughter to movies--got up this morning a little tired and sore--from doing absolutely nothing--except sitting in a chair watching the start of March Madness--and working on slides--putting the pictures in order--going through them one at a time--can only do 4 at a time--and there are hundreds--friend dropped by to visit and bring me some manure--came up and I was in the library--poolroom--gave me the up date on every body and what he was doing and planning on doing--same old same old never changes--I keep looking at myself and thinking I could do something about my declining health but I seem to be to lazy or comfortable
I can't get the hang of what is a new blog and what is a new post--but as far as I 'm concerned who cares--found this little book I didn't know I had--Fishing Tackle and Techniques by Dick Wolf--that's what I mean when I say I don't know what I'll be reading next--I'll be doing something and moving books from one spot to another so I can move around without knocking them off a table and I'll remember where the book came from and say Oh yea--pick it up and guess what I have a book mark in it--so naturally I'll sit down and I'm off--way down the authors alley..
had a wonderful experience today--my daughter called and said that when she flushed the toilet or used her sink it didn't go anywhere--well how about that folks--and who does she call--I don't even believe my daughter likes me--and I mean that--but she is family and I do feel somewhat responsible--when I built the house--I could only think of one thing--she was irresponsible-with no future--dropped out of High School--cared for nothing except smoking--which she still does with a vengeance--I don't smoke la de da--and her chose in male companions is anyone whose just like her--like this--I've worked hard to more or less keep the wolves away--that's why I live out in the woods--away from everybody--I made the mistake of building houses for my kids near me--O.K.--bad karma--a no--no from the word go--then my daughter up and married one a wolf that is--and brought him home to her house which I built-- to stay--what I'm saying I guess is--Beautiful young people are accidents of nature.. but beautiful old people are works of art.. anyway I went down to her house and started to uncover the mystery of the sewage not going anywhere--we live in the mountains of North Georgia--level land is not something I wanted when I moved to the mountains--I could have stayed in Atlanta if I had wanted that--usually creeks are involved in hilly country--I wanted her to have a small house where the payments wouldn't be overwhelming and she could have a modest life style--right--I had to have a soil scientist come out and tell me where I could or could not have a septic system--because the ground water level and the creeks that ran along our properties--the only alternative was to pump the gray water up into the hills and put the field lines at appropriate distances from the creeks--in other words I had to have two 1000 gallon tanks one for debris and the other for the liquid--to be pumped up into forest--well--to go back to the subject at hand--I had to have the septic tanks unloaded--emptied--bam--$725.00--when empty--the septic tank man--remarked--it maybe your pump is not working--it's called an effluent pump--I called a plumber--he said the pump was special and would have to be ordered and he could probably have it shipped overnight and it would cost around $925.00--it was Zoeller one of the best--well I wasn't born yesterday and I got on the horn and the same pump he wanted $925.00 for I could get from a local dealer less than 60 minutes from my house for $237.50--well I got my shovel and a good friend--and we went to work--digging is not my cup tea--but so what--together we worked it out--him mostly--cause I'm old--he's younger and a hell of a nice person--I'm going to intervene with Saint Peter for him and I know he'll be impressed to one day finding this out--to make a long drawn out story shorter we did it and the happy house down the road with two kids and dogs are crapping away as we speak in comfort and no odors--coming up from the under sides of the house--all this took was about a week and a half out of my life...all's well that ends well..right
Here's another example of my problem with books--when I was writing I had to use the bathroom well on the way I passed a table loaded down with old books I had stacked there some while back--I had to turn on a light cause it's getting dark out and I didn't want to bust my you know --therefore there was light--the books sitting there were--the years best science fiction--Sixteenth Annual Collection--Curious Naturalists--Niko Tinbergen--exploring the insect world by Edwin Way Teale--How to stop worrying and start living-- Dale Carnegie--Timeless Healing--Herbert Benson, MD--Fresh Water Fishing--Arthur H. Carhart--The Birdwatchers Companion--Treasure Bits by French authors--Studies in classic American Literature D.H. Lawrence--Up the Ladder or striving and thriving --Madeline Leslie (1863)--Wonders of the West--Kate Braverman--A lifetime Burning in Every Moment--Alfred Kazin--The Incantation of Frida K.--Kate Braverman--Lithium for Medea--Kate Braverman--Cookies Unlimited-- Nick Malgieri--that my friend was on my way to the bathroom on a desk piled high--with notes from reading them and book marks where I had stopped for God only knows what reason--maybe to put more wood on the fire or go get some water--or who knows but there they sat until I passed them and they caught my eye again--
Improvement in your life can happen every day following principals and making them habitual and unconscious...
Knowledge used keeps one on a steady course--new habits are hard to keep track of--it takes time, persistence, and daily application...
Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking reality...
We come to maturity with very little preparation for the pressures in experience...
Sad to relate, this wicked boy commenced this new relationship by a false tale...the marks of vice and laziness were to visible in his countenance to mistake his true character...
Inner strength, faith, hope, will, and determination, are our refuge and very present helpers in time of trouble...
Harassed (are you) things come crowding in on you--pushing things which you thought you had in order--change my friend--is inevitable--staying focused " must ' include adaptability...
Childhood-- I can not remember just how much I heard when I was bigger and how much I understood when I was little..
Nothing is so powerful in making a man selfish as misfortune...
It was instinct rather than thought which taught me that it would be good for me to put some strain on the muscles of my body, and thus relieve the muscles of my mind
In my opinion nothing seasons the mind for endurance like --hard work...
In truth, greatness is great only till it encounters greater greatness...
Modifications help the evolutionary processes move along...
Just thinking--a plain bar of iron is worth about $15.00 --this same bar of iron , when made into horseshoes, is worth about $25.00. If made into needles, it is worth $4,285.00.If turned into balance wheels for watches, it becomes worth $250,000. this is true of another kind of material---you. Your value is determined by what you make of yourself...James M. Hughes
It's not the distance, but the direction you travel that counts...
The upper crust is just a bunch of crumbs stuck together with their own dough..
No matter how great a man is, the size of his funeral usually depends on the weather...
Have a phobia
Monophobia--fear of being alone
Ailurophobia--fear of cats
Ochlophobia--fear of crowds
Achluophobia--fear of darkness
Hypsophobia--fear of heights
Ophidiophobia--fear of reptiles
Kenophobia--fear of large empty spaces
Triskaidekaphobia--fear of number 13
\Odynophobia--fear of pain
Cremnophobia--fear of precipices
Lyssophobia--fear of becoming insane
Doraphobia--fear of touching animal's fur
Rhabdophobia--fear of being beaten
hematophobia--fear of the sight of blood
Gephyrophobia--fear of crossing bridges
Pantrophobia--fear of everything
Melissophobia--fear of stinging insects
Cherophobia--fear of gaiety
Hylophobia--fear of the forest
Domatophobia--fear of being in a house
Bacillophobia--fear of microbes
Eremophobia--fear of being lonely
Kinesophobia--fear of motion
Sirerodromophobia--fear of the railroad travel
Harpaxophobia--fear of robbers
Chionophobia--fear of snow
Laliophobia--fear of speech
Climacophobia--fear of staircases
The hardest thing about climbing the ladder of success is getting through the crowd at the bottom...
The full use of today is the best preparation for tomorrow...
Egotism is that certain something that enables a man in a rut to think he's in the groove...
Opportunity knocks--Temptation kicks the door down...
Freedom is important when you don't have it; it should be just as important when you do...
Reputation is precious, but character is priceless...
He who talks without thinking runs more risks than he who thinks without talking...
A farmer is a man outstanding in his field...
Today when people find that money can't buy everything they start using credit cards...
Everybody wants to be somebody so long as that somebody is someone else...
War is a luxury--killing off of the few so the many can live...
There is an ease, a sureness, a lightness of touch, that comes from mastery...
What can I say of guilt?
Somewhere inside an opposition arises: a difficult task is confronted--an error in the conscious mind finds room for doubt--a needling becomes evident-- a purpose forms which will not lie down and rest--a rising factor becomes a star on the horizon--it develops as slowly as the process in picture taking--it becomes evident when one wakes at night--and a revolving door of thoughts around a central subject continually keeps one from sleep--
New ideas that require people to reorganize their reality provoke hostility....
Without the past you wouldn't be here....
Forewarned, is sure enough forearmed...
Everyday you're at the threshold of a new experience...
He might have a decent side to his nature--most people have--but his interests were entirely trivial and personal and squalid...
Meekness compels God himself...
Nothing can come into our experience unless it finds something in us with which it is attuned; and so to have trouble and difficulty is only a sign that our own mentality needs clearing up; for what you see at any time is nothing but your own concept...
It's hard to believe that the world is the same and it is only the people who have changed...
We have free will but our free will lies in our choice of thought...
"The truth" is that the whole of your life's experiences is but the outer expression of your inner thoughts....
Truth works on one's soul...
Half a truth is a whole lie...
We make our decisions in life on who we believe as often as what we believe...
I'm always discovering at first hand how quickly whispers become accepted as fact...
Lust turns to disgust ...this isn't chance...it's law--inherent law...
Opportunity knocks continually--there are windows of opportunity opening all the time...
The best ideas do not come from reasoning; they emerge, as it were, from a deeper strata of one's being...
Truth never changes, but what we have to deal with on this earth is man's apprehension of the truth…
I suggest that you be in love with life and then with one another…
Cynicism is still tarnishing youth's bright hopes for humanity…
No one ever sees farther than the circumference of a small circle…
The inconvenience from this distance seems all but insurmountable…But I never have given it any thought…
Women are wise and men so callow…
He was shouting in the desert, but not wholly in vain…
Mental illness--or sickness--brooding on neglected superiority and friendless solitude along with preoccupation with passions without gratification….good enough Dr. Beddoes
He wasn't predictable--
I wanted to keep busy, preserve at least the signs of order,conceal my fear, both from others and from facing it myself…fear has a smell, like love…
How can one keep living in cities--it isn't safe--the country I feel is safer--but then I start remembering the times I walk around at night in the dark--hearing the least little sound--my mind wonders--bear, wild pig, coyote pack, mountain lion--and I don't feel that way any more--I start by thinking in other safer terms--like running back to the house as fast as I can…where light is my refuge, and heat comforting…
To have the past but not the present, that means you're going senile…
I'M NOT TAKING THOSE KIND OF CHANCES--believe me it's not worth it…why introduce the element of chance in your life…it's like death--the bad part isn't the chance itself but having to witness…what it does to one-- the escalation of one's hopes and dreams--laid bare for what-- excuses
to fill a void--where without chance it's all real--what you see is what you are… soap box derby
When you can't tell the difference between your own pleasure and your own pain then you're an addict…
The only answer to logic is what "NO" the voice without reason--and you get nothing from it--betrayed by what I thought were his principals--but sympathy got in it's way and left me cold--I noticed my veins a reddish blue colored--my body and it's private diary--
Notice that whatever we do, is at someone else's or something else's expense…
Once you start questioning fundamentals; like a man's right to eat good red meat, like when one should wake up, like how one should live, like why my business is any of your business, like what I do with my time, like who are you to tell me what to do, like how about you getting out of my face, like who cares, then you were "the"trouble, even if you cared to think of "your" trouble as enlightenment…
You know there are few men I would as readily take advice from as you…
You owe it to yourself, Hilary…You know it is not only a golden professional opportunity and the American way; these days, we are not adult humans until we have faced ourselves in deep disgrace...
"Men" lead enviable lives….they can pursue whims more easily than women….!…?
I got this new I-Mac--little bitty keyboard--about the size of my two hands together--just the right size for speed--I sort of throw my fingers at the keys when my eyes recognize their where abouts on the keyboard--I keep hoping my eyes get faster or my fingers--but where I live it's conducive to nothing in a rush--I kid you not I look out any window in my house--I see nothing but woods and I go another window and you got it more woods--can you even imagine--what that does--I actually peer through the trees at things--something sparkling in the woods--a bird taking flight--As I look up blue sky becomes a background for the looks I continually gain each time I leer upward in my gazing--that's what I do most of my days--I've set up this new I-Mac right inside my porch I've had inclosed with windows and heat run out--so I can comfortably sit and throw my fingers at it's keyboard…and think…watching again out the windows I see my dogs are leaving the grounds for a noise--or they hear someone on the road--always looking for fun--Let's see I have five dogs now--Mazie, Little Bit (who thinks he's no such thing), Bo-Bo, Sammy, Owen ( son's dog--I've always liked dogs--usually I watch them which makes them nervous--A Dachshund--now I've never had anything against anything smaller than me--smaller-
I was very curious and so I started watching when he first arrived believe me when I say-- they know you're watching them-- and's, but's or or's-- they are perceptive--they seek your eyes, your motions, raised alone this dog knows things before I do--I've lived here forty something years--he's been around all of a month or two and he's ahead of me by miles--ah the little darlings are coming back up the driveway at a leisurely pace --A Boxer, A Dachshund, a German Shepard, A Border terrier--cross with another small dog--mexican I believe--and a beagle-corgi cross--whose nose is always glued to the ground
Bo-Bo has some German Shepherd in him but he's has no aggression--he's just happy-go-lucky and loves good food--I cook for my dogs adding meat--sometimes cheese--or whatever I feel I see in their body language they might need in their diet--with pill control for fleas--dog maintenance--is no problem anymore and diet,water, and friendship are worth every penny spent--on a good buddy--anyway getting back to the Dachshund--he uses my room to take a dump regularly--now I figured sometime it's alright--he's new--but now that I know him I think he's trying to tell me something--it's only me and him in the house--he's use to having the house to himself--he's very squeamish about being watched while having bowel movements--he prefers to be alone--out of sight--don't blame him--just not in my room---this in progress as we speak--so it's ongoing…he sneaks !!!! so do I ???
I have this way I live--wanting nothing except--to do what I feel in need of doing--to simple--I'm afraid it's getting more complicated every day--things keep adding themselves into my day--I already get up at 4:00--and the day seems way to short--music, T.V., socializing, sound even coming form somewhere else is a bother--now I'm looking outside my porch there's a group of Camellias I got from California from Nuccio's a nursery out there--a selected group he thought would take my weather with little side effects as far as climate was concerned--getting anything is out of the question--especially if it means leaving here--I have no interest in leaving--only sitting here watching, looking, and listening for anything approaching--up or down my road--the postman's guaranteed--any other I can wonder about--the neighbor-- a man from Florida has decided to sell after a zillion years living up here--haven't talked to Berney in a while so I don't know why he's selling--but knowing him --something's up--good land back on a cup-de-sac-- house on a hill looking back over the road you drive in on--pasture--hillsides--valley, water from two creeks-- all-year-round--water--two large 30 x300 chicken house warehouses--I think about it a lot--I drive that way everyday--when I take my dog for a ride--in this old Toyota Rav 4--we go most everyday unless I'm uncomfortable--so-I observe the land over a period of time--dogs are barking someone just drove up--must be the guy--Greg-- who helps me out around here--the Dachshund's raising hell--the Boxer jumping around as Boxer do--going nuts--that's who it was--he's checking for his list--like Craig's List--I have a Greg 's List--of things I would like done--The gas truck just drove up--we're down to about 25% in the tank--I'm having it filled up--we keep temperature around (depending on out side temperatures) 64 to 66 degrees--on thermostat--in hall way--if it's 66 the thermostat shuts off at 67 which is almost to hot…he has to back up my driveway from the main road which is good piece--like maybe 1/4 of a mile--he says he's alright with it but he wanted to give me the bill (hand it to me) that usually means they want to talk or maybe you could offer them a little something for the extra trouble you're being…hmmmm--I went out to the library in the garage and got Encyclopedia of Dog Breeds--D. Caroline Coile, Ph.D. (Profiles of 150 Breeds) now that I've got all my books in one place I can either put them in order or visit the room so much that I'll remember where books are located--at first it's difficult--but it starts getting better before long…Had another visitor but I'll hold off on that one the jury still out--just got back from driving around the horseshoe--and my neighbor still has signs up for his property except now it's got some ordinance sign up like they want to change the zoning--like this property is way off by itself--if there ever was a property--that's fit for someone who likes being out there this is it--remember the postman is the only person that comes around always--anybody else is usually lost--drinking or whatever.. I got these new shoes from L.L.Bean--Bison loafers--I forgot how comforting Loafers can be--they have already starting stretching
Remember the title and this seems O.K.--a question--How would you like like to have ears on all your feelers--Some insects have a swollen place with a cup-shaped hollow which is covered with a delicate ear-drum…The ears of this male insect are much larger and better developed than those of the females…They evidently help the males in finding mates…Males are said to be able to hear this particular humming flight of the female, and to determine from whence they comity--not a bad way to pick your mate..
Man cannot change a single law of nature, but can put himself into such relations to natural laws that he can profit by them…Edwin Grant Conklin
Snails have their eyes on the ends of their feelers-I bet that tickles
Cherry Cordial is a type of ice cream made by I guess Kroger--comparable to Ben and Jerry's --Cherry -Garcia--which in no way cam pares to Cherry vanilla ice cream--there's a company up in Silver Springs ,MD. that makes a god ice cream with cherries the name brand is Home Made ice cream good--
I can't believe I'm eating Cherry Cordial ice cream at 9:15 in the morning--it feels all wrong--my compass is at a standstill---
Her comments were always quick and practical, sometimes directly useful, sometimes indirectly suggestive…
She was an unattached female of thirty four, large, showy, fair as margarine, pink as a new born baby, rose, reminding one of a florist's hand picked specimen bloom, and given to sudden and ample movements and moist and explosive utterances…she left small whirlwinds of air behind her when she moved, in which her veils and scarves fluttered and spun…
My work to me is " real work "(my writings) it fills up space and never is grammatically correct..so what!!!
This noisy, able, practical helper was an admirable friend--up to a certain point; beyond that …well, each of us knows that point beyond which we stand alone…
What does it mean when you're convinced a thing isn't worth doing---you simply don't do it…
No man does a thing better for having his confidence damped at the outset, and to speak of difficulties
is in a sense to make them…
Speech itself becomes a deterrent act, to which other discouragements accrete until the very event of which warning is given-- is as likely as not to come to pass…
A man is not excused from taking the wrong course because the right one is not immediately revealed to him…
It has been remarked that silence obtains it's fullest and most impressive quality when it is broken by some minute sound…
His own absurd sensitiveness hardened her …she was a fighter-- all this made her impatience…
I'm responsible for the way I go, and I must be allowed to go it--even if it should seem wrong to everyone--believe me, I am giving much thought to it…
At any rate I had only to sit quiet on an old stump and to wait for a minute or two in order to become aware of such a change in the auditory scale as comes upon a man who, conceiving the mid-fall night woods to be motionless and still, all at once finds his ears sharpened to the crepitation of myriad insects and animals of the night...
It was not only her private person attitude and composure that I had approached in the attitude of criticism; I was always conscious also of the wide differences between her mind and my own…I felt no thankfulness that up to a certain point our natures had ever run companionably side by side;…I was now full of questions beyond that point…Our intellects diverged; there was no denying it; and looking back,I was inclined to doubt whether there had been any real coincidence, true, I had expressed all my opinions to her and she had appeared to speak comprehendingly and to the point; but what can a man do who, having assumed that another sees as he does, is suddenly brought up sharp by something that falsifies and discredits all that has gone before? I doubted all now…It did for a moment, occur to me that the man who demands of a friend more than can be given to him is in the danger of losing that friend, but I put this thought to one side…
I got myself up--rose, and fetched kindling --standing before the firelight I reflected over the past thoughts before I started to drop the wood in the fireplace…But instead of placing them into the fire I let them fall from my hand…I became conscious of the dripping once again of the tap…It had a tinkling gamut of four or five notes on which rang irregular changes, and it was foolishly pleasing and trembling like--in my mind I could see the gathering of each drop, it's little trombone the lip of the tap, and the tiny percussion of it's fall "plink, plunk, plonk minimized almost to inaudibility---following the lowest note there seemed to be a brief catching phrase, irregularly repeated; and presently I found myself waiting for the recurrence of these words--I drifted to sleep before the fire….
When I awoke the fire had burned lower than I liked-- the colds were glowing and the flames from the candles burning were running down the sides of the candlestick --taking stock of all my faculties ,I rose , noting pains,creaks, and bones, yawned, and went about my nightly round of locking doors, blowing out the candles, turning off lights closing curtains,letting the dogs out,went outside with them and stood looking up at the stars, refreshed myself--went back inside to my bedroom and slept like I had died…
My room grew dark; the fire burned low slightly; I continued to sit, wincing as thoughts returned from time to time as fresh emptiness from past words spoken rang again in my ears…
And in some illogical, dogmatic way women seem to have, she had attached this antagonistic influence to my new thinking--was this her of the luxury that saps the springs of action and brings a man down to indolence and dropping out of his world…
If these things could happen, any thing could happen--then I recognized that my thoughts were heading into morbidity--by an effort of will--I forced them aside--and sat for a while listening to the faint creaking, and ticking and tappings within the walls--
(Interjection)--Sick--Plants--Put several empty eggshells into plastic milk carton filled with water and let stand for a day …then water the plants with this mixture…Plants in apartments or houses grow toward light the plants must be turned every few days (4 at most) if not; lopsided growth--(let's)-- others know caring for the plant is minimal...
After the death of my wife--recently--the whole place in the reigning silence --has become full of life; as I sit in the dark I hear it's crowds of noises as if the house was one big microphone…
Only half conscious that I did so, I had been sitting for some time identifing these noises, attributing to each crack,or creak, or bumping it's natural cause; but there was one noise which, again not fully conscious of the omission, I had not sought to account for…It had last come some minutes before; it came again now--- a sort of soft sweeping rustle that seemed to hold an almost inaudibly small creaking….For a half minute it held my attention; then my thoughts gained ground again…
I was nearer to loving her in the last few months than I had ever been--I thought how some men their loved ones were but the dearer for those poor mortal blemishes that tell us we are but sojourners on earth, with a common fate not far distant that makes it hardly worth while to do anything but love for the time remaining--the insecure feelings, purposes unfulfilled, dreams abandoned, bodies buffeted by sickness, hearts and minds callous and hard with the experiences of their world--how little love there would be-- were these things a barrier to love! What her happiness had never moved in me sorrow awoke…
I was surprised that the devil should enter an empty head…
The sting lay in the tail, that is to say, in the postscript…
This had created in me a wrathful temper that effectually banished pale shadows…
I'm a little odd this morning because I've been stuck for several days--can't get topics to stay in my head foray length of time--I feel wasted like duh…can't always function this way seems like I'm two or three steps behind myself..out of character--a little left of where I think i should be…I see people-- wonder about them-- but just don't have the same feelings I had before--right or wrong--my son's Dachshund was outside --he came around to my window wanting in --cold outside for him--anyway I had to go to the back door and let him in--he's got these short legs and one seems to be hurting him--holds it up as he runs--I see how a women can function in total obliviousness to what goes on around her--you look into anybody's eyes and where you end up " no body knows "--when you aren't around people your first since is to wonder how they went and you realize you aren't missing a thing--except your piece of mind--why piece of mind --no lies--no untruth--falsehoods are abundant--running rampant- could be another term used--I watch T.V. for sports that I can stand--it's all gotten way out of bounds--bleeding heart or not it really doesn't matter..I seldom feel any remorse--for the old way of living--or this new sensation I get when loose on the city--the pace is what gets me first of all--the total obstruction of all visible cohesiveness--the distractions, noise, every body intermingled and going in so many different directions--and no space between anyone thing--an cars and trucks--sirens-police-every blooming thing is in form of it's own busting--I can't even let my mind go back to it for very long cause I get lonely, depressed, and very down hearted, I know people like close living--I know the sights and sounds of cities are exciting to some--I'm afraid i weigh in on the points of where's the human--the tough hide makes one less susceptible to love, feelings,kindness, and sympathy for your fellows--I've seen, you seen--turn on your T.V.-- news is instant--cities let you feel the instant..you are part of the spark??? gas for the motor--the key to the digital display--there's no sound where I am-- the colors are so natural--the ground so solid--the trees so slowly alive--the sky tolerating many blues--and shades--I wonder how anything can be more than real…I don't know the temperature outside--rhododendron leaves and shriveled up, the dogs are huddled and I wondering if I ought to let the boxer in,--it's still chilly where I am and I'm inside--lots of leaves moving on the evergreens--home truths--make a personal notebook--remember --I'm at a place in the country and can't be to vigilant in matters pertaining to " care and feeding " of the soul….can I ???
for the floor of my approach pad to the fireplace.. After boiling any salted meat, leave two or three carrots in the liquid until cool; these absorb the salt and the liquor may be turned into a really good soup…a good suspenseful book to enjoy and not feel like you've wasted your time--Cold Hands By Clare Curzon…A continual of lies among those who are not much in the way of hearing them contradicted, willing time pass for truth; and the crime lies not in the believer but the inventor…You start with a man at the bottom is simple honesty--where does it start the other way--the indecisiveness
not being ale to step up--I'm not declaring war on every man out there especially those that are out there and not as warm and friendly as me…we cannot alter anything in nature when we think we're screwing up nature--we're letting ourselves do the thinking--in the midst of nature--a little at first of courage is enough to begin with---the old times are gone but for hopes and moral fervors, I go forward--to what's new…. look to your creed to survive and get ahead--and don't pretend to hide behind your religious dogmas--I notice things between the lines that aren't relevant and it confuses me why they are needed at all---
I order my coffee from--I'm running a little low and don't really want to give out--I thought I had a standing order--one which would be delivered without me getting involved except in the making of the brew itself--but I had to call and say when are you going to deliver me some more coffee --well our computer has been blah blah blah--and I said again when are you to deliver me some coffee let me check the computer--I said send me some tomorrow--and hung up so (he's late and I caught him) I waiting to see if he has it delivered--every little sound catches the imagination--planes from ranger camp--some type of sound motorized coming from the road--truck or car ansi think it must be U.P.S.--but only to here it go by….even horses on the road are included--sometimes an older man walks the woods--going up up and way..he's from England carries a staff and water canteen--and passes me on the road as he goes upwards--all this came from another book I'm reading--everything center's around books that get me going--
I'm up to my waste in December---all this Christmas stuff comes crowding down over my head--the gifts, the getting , the giving--all grab center stage in their turn--making me wonder how everything gets so warped--my head goes through the loops--like somebody trying to jump rope that's never done it before…my head gets to bogged down in old memories, how they effected all the other Christmases and how I've let it get so out of hand and mind…Why can't memories stay out of sight like memories and therefore out of the thoughts in my future…pushing them aside like they had no business being in the future….I've been bombarded by so many commercials,catalogues, telemarketers, that I feel like going up and putting up a huge gate,tearing down the mailbox, and getting out of the telephone business, even to the point of " stopping shopping " ---cash put up or shut up--have you ever noticed that as soon as you give over the envelopes with cash they soon begin to depart---what does that mean---I have a dog,I feed him, let him out when he wants out, keep his water bowl full, take him to the Vet, keep fleas off him, and ticks, and buy him treats that he likes, and what does he do--uses my room as a toilet.. both kinds--now what does that mean ???? there's always one or maybe two who always thank you…the getting to Christmas is getting so bad especially if you don't go out but it's looking like next Christmas will be from internet sales--trying a little this year but most gifts haven't even reached their destination yet and I ordered at least a week in advance...so next year do I order earlier, how long do they hold things in their own hands before getting them out--do they get bulk order deals from the post office...
And the night shall be filled with music
And the cares that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the arabs,
And as silently steal away… Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Nature is the norm which challenges the abuses of our times and makes them stand out in bald contrast…It is the path of wholesome and temperate optimism, based upon a firm belief that life is not mere chance, but integrated with all that is real in the universe…
To dress, to call, to dine, to break
No canon of the social code,
The little laws that lackeys make,
The futile decalogue of Mode,---
How many a soul for these things lives,
With pious passion, grave intent !
While Nature careless-handed gives
The things that are more excellent. --William Watson
Wel I'm alive and it's past Christmas and the New year is on it's way--with or without me it doesn't matter--I'm almost sick of football-could care less about most basketball unless Duke or North Carolina is playing and have lost some of my enthusiasm about North Carolina--only because they don't seem to have the passion that they use to have when Dean Smith was coaching--but so what--the sun's out and snow flurries are swirling around on a windy day that supposed to get colder as the day goes along--coldest it's supposed to reach is 7 degrees--I've got dogs and my biggest worry is whether to let them in tonight or not--remember I've got a big open heart when it comes to dogs or cats or heck animals--one I've got--gets frustrated when he doesn't get his way--like if he wants out and doesn't happen to be able to--he chews things up and the only room they can stay in happens to be a room loaded with some excellent books--by that I mean books I like--ones I go back to for reference or to read again in another time--because of something I remember reading in them--that's why I keep them close-and not out in the library--which is hard to get to at night or when it's cold--another I try to close to me is excellent tools--by that I mean tools that I have had most of my days living out here in the country--you get to know what you can do with your tools and when you need them or some project you come across you start thinking I need this, I need that, and you plan accordingly--I try and I don't always do this but I try after using them to put them back in their place where I got them--not always possible cause I may be called on to do something else and leave everything where I stopped to go do something else--doesn't mean anything to anybody but me--but I have several sons who use the tools also-- one who cooperates and one who is a loose cannon--who does as he pleases even with things that don't belong to him but somehow or way he does things and doesn't return them doesn't put them back in place or just assumes I will know that he has them and will go over and get them--like hell--I don't mind anybody using anything I have unless I have to use them at the same time and then I using them for a purpose and it usually is important--and I don't want to do anything except that which I have to do and one does not include going around looking for "my" tools--
it's around 10:00 and the sun hasn't shown itself and I'm wondering if the weather is gonna change--I don't really care cause I stay in most of the time anyway--but trying to out guess the weather has it's fun--and anyway what else is there to do--sounds I getting bored or coming down with the blahs--dogs have been in the last couple of nights--the temperature got down in the 20's and I worry about them so I just get up put down some blankets and water--close them in the library and go back too bed--I haven't heard a peep out of them at night--of course I can't hear worth a crap and that may be the reason but one of my sons is staying here and I think he would complain or not let them in if they bothered him at night--
There are signs of conscious volition and spontaneous energy in the human world---still…
Been going thru some old slides and from here on out I'll be sharing some of them--the art is from one of my sons--whose never been given the idea that he's an artist par excellent--and the slides are from Pop a world class gardening person mostly vegetables who loved fishing, hunting, and was what can a son-in-law say--like everybody else they thru the book away when they made him--one of a kind like us all--he just used his life in a different way--which you could say he had a purpose--most of us just wade thru life with no purpose--but this man squandered nothing--he had two wonderful daughters and I married one--and could never quite keep up to standards that were set when he left lower Alabama for greener pastures…anyway--enjoy his slides and if you're a fishermen, or hunter or gardener eat your heart out--enjoy…slides from all over as you may recognize--
The treasure found in Florida from a sunken ship--how these pictures came about can only be guested at by me --never knew he had them--or anything like them--but he's got a hole lot of them--even of the diver just going down
Well the dogs are happy and I gave them a special treat--and a little Brunswagger to their meal and you should have seen them lapping it up--had some leave over gravy from last night--and added that in also--I don't feed them regular dog food I use it but added in other things that we've cooked or I cook for them--so it takes some time and thinking bout what I'm going to add to their meals makes it interesting for me--sometimes add n egg and a little Wrights bacon--not much just for flavor and I by them a Rotisserie chicken and add some of it at different times--and I'm always watching the progress of different dog foods and their ingredients as far as valuable things in nutrition--when I heard they use to add road kill into the dog food--I quit buying dogwood of any kind--just to let them know that wasn't necessary--maybe my one little account didn't bother them but it made me feel good anyway-
Just finished a book by Mercedes Lackey--I think this was my first by her--not bad but will slowly look for others--also started three others--R.A. Salvatore--Mortalis--F. Paul Wilson's --By the Sword--Saul Bellow--Him With His Foot In his Mouth and other stories--we'll see
Got sick day before yesterday--and couldn't stay out of the bathroom--didn't care for that... started trying to figure how I got it--trying to put the blame out there--I don't leave the house-- do have Grandchildren that come and visit---eat-- is what they do when they're here you know-- children food--junk-- something their mother want buy but they're grand Father will--anyway I finally just put it up there with well whatever and said the heck with however I got it
Got down to the 20 here last night and I didn't let the dog in... felt kind of like a jerk when I saw her this morning she was walking kind of slow--so tonight I'll be on top of things--she'll be inside in her favorite inside the house spot--Mazzie…I gave her an extra good meal this morning so my conscience would feel some what better…
Visitors came up mother, daughter, and husband--still pissed at husband--he came over one day and asked if his daughter could spend some time at our house and me and another guy were working--said he had some friends vower at his cabin and would I mind watching and her staying with us --it would only be an hour and he'd be back at 12:30--O.K. I said he didn't come back when he said--matter it was quite a bit longer than he said--this was the first time--it happened again--this little girl is important to me--she hears this conversation with her step dad and me about time and everything--so she smart and knows what is going on--well her dad usually needs favors also--sometimes this sometimes that--but he is a human being but he doesn't act on his word which makes me think badly of him--when came back over to pick his step daughter up later than he said I couldn't even speak to him--I was mad--and you might say I sulked--at my own house--it also made me feel he had little respect for me by saying one thing and doing another--I could be wrong in today's time but I don't think so---I don't think you can change the meaning of a word like respect---anyway he and the situation doesn't deserve this much of my time and effort--maybe he'll work it out for himself--or maybe not--
Getting ready for some football--this afternoon--Denver and Patriots--San Francisco and Seattle--cooking up some chili and hoping my teams win--
Sooner or later the soul reaches a point where evasions and sophistries have to be discarded once and for all, and the facts of life faced squarely at whatever cost…
I can't be expected to write the truth about other people, because I don't know it; but at least I can write the truth about some of the stupid things I have done myself
I not the kind of person everybody expects and I'm surely not the kind of person I'd expect to be on the other end of who I am --I been going back over all the ends and outs of how I got to where I am--even going back through the crap I've given everybody that ever knew me--some I'm sure were disappointed and hurt--sorry--a no depth word--
I am someone who says what he feels and does what he says--that is the only way I can get up in the morning wanting an interest in the next day--facing honesty and reality--minute by minute--but it also let's me get my day going the way I want to be going--when I got up this morning Sammy(my boxer) was laying on one of my legs--there was definitely soreness--because of his leaning--and had been leaning on it for a while--I decided to get up and make myself some coffee--sort of get everything started and this is what I did--when I got things going-- I through some sausage or the grill and put a pot of grits--on to boil--fed the dogs and thought I'd go out and sit down and watch the dogs do their thing--sitting there--I decided to look at what I had done yesterday--and come up with some other thoughts--concerning the areas--got some rocks from the creek--well I had my grandson bring some up--and he had got all the rocks with moss hanging off them--not exactly what I wanted--but had to do--then he went back and came up with another load--in a wheelbarrow--maybe about 15 to 20 rocks at a time--these were really gorgeous and now they been sitting there for about a week can't figure out what to do with them--whites and yellows and some maroon and deep browns--odd shapes--but really colorful--
