Daily Agitations -- the place where choices resolve into certainties--every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority huxley--lay sermons

The sky's gray today--nothing unusual about that but sort of makes me feel full of memories--dogs have stopped eating--i keep their bowls clean after finding slug crawling all over them and even in them--but they still aren't eating the way they should--one of the dogs have found our new neighbors--they have chickens not like in chicken houses--but in pens on the ground--my boxer--can't stay away the excitement of trying to dig the birds out of the cages is to great--I'm sure the neighbor doesn't like it--he's trying to get a coop fixed up but I'm afraid Sammy the boxer--will eventually kill all the chickens--if he doesn't hurry--she so persistent--maybe he want shoot or hurt her--really be sad if he did--I was sitting out in front of the garage yesterday she came slinking up the drive with a chicken in her mouth--I have a feeling that's where she is now--but there's nothing I can do--except sit here and wonder--the chickens are special--don't know his plans--about them-- who knows he may be raising them as fighters but that is just a guess--he's got them in separate cages--plastic--Janet mu daughter took the kids with her today--she's got to go to the clinic and she's got them a dentist appointment--and then she's taken them to the outlet mall or wherever to buy school clothes--school starts the ninth of August--it's the first of August now--I got tomatoes coming on but they haven't been watered in some time--so I watered them good yesterday--if I'm going to have some greens before winter--I've got to get them in the ground soon--got back into Westerns or cowboy books--She Came to the Valley--Cleo Dawson--I'm reading now--don't know why I picked it up--but not disappointed--I was thinking about women in general and noticed I had this book and just started reading it--you can't compromise with spirit...

Winter Solstice
Dec. 21 (shortest day--longest night)
March 21st (Vernal or spring equinox) Day and night equal

Summer Solstice
June 21 (longest day of the year)
Fall equinox (Sept. 23 Equal day and night)

Spring equinox  (falls between Pisces and Aries)
Summer solstice (falls between Gemini and Cancer)
Fall equinox (falls between Virgo and Libra)
Winter Solstice (falls between Sagittarius and Capricorn)  

Went and bought some grapes--the packages was sealed really good--when I got home the grapes in the sealed package were horrible--you know how you feel a grape and right under the skin--it's sort of firm--well these were mushy--soft beyond good eating and the taste--was sort of winery--well it sounds like I'm a big whiney type person--but where I live you've got to remember I live way out in the country--like it takes me 30 minutes just to get to a store--if I'm in a hurry--made me sort of mad--but where I live you get the kind of attitude--what did you expect--they came from the big Wal-Mart--when I went back--I watched the guy--who took care of these fruits and I asked him what he did with bad fruit--he checked it and then if it was still good he re-packaged it--nice after I left and was walking around the store--I got to thinking--was he joking...

I falling apart at the seams--the greens have settled down they went from early mixed greens colors--to almost greens of the same color--to total green--unless you live in the woods--you don't notice that greens are of many shades--the shadows are deeper now the leaves have all filled in their spaces and the Sun barely gets through--truth has gone by the wayside--each truth should be a goal--to attain--yet we taken the road always traveled--one with less trails and tribulations--because we don't have to face ourselves when we live in lies--we can just say what we want--let it go--and move deeper in debt--and care less if we have to face up to what we do--each truth we reach should be another step upward--and a goal to aspire to--reach one find another truth--we can approach--

A man usually falls in love with a woman who asks the kind of questions he is able to answer…Ronald Coleman

Book: If Chins Could kill--:Confession of a B Movie Actor--Bruce Campbell--Campbell reveals what it feels like to be a star in certain circles and a nobody in others…another of my books I like because it's so revealing in human terms--(He starred in T.V. series Xena and Hercules--and two cult movies Evil Dead-- and Army of Darkness--movies pretty gory but hey isn't that what parents let children see..

Easter--again I take another gander--into the way I'm living--compared with all the other Easter's I lived through--it was nothing-- a day--another day--not trying to make it boring sounding but hey when you get older things have changed--thoughts wonder in and out--I've actually been trying to figure out how many days it's been since I left home you know went out in the world--I honestly can't remember the last day I went somewhere other than just outside the back door--I was going back through all my old pictures--cats, dogs, people, shots of all kinds, memories--good gosh--almighty--the way things must have been back then--the way things have turned out--I almost want to get a beer--and it's only 7:21 in the morning--I buy a six pack and I don't exactly forget it's in there but usually I don't do anything with them until I feel like I'm wandering around lost and need to sit down and think--and I grab one --it use to be they stay in the refrigerator for weeks but not lately-I been going for broke and drinking more than usual--like maybe two or three a night--discovering things from the past is not unpleasant but it is thought provoking...

Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so…Philip Dormer Stanhope

For in a cold war words count at least as much as deeds...

The aftermath of war can be more dangerous than the war itself…

We humans act short sightedly--we do that which helps immediate situations, often to disastrous effects for future generations…

One would find life so much more enjoyable if one basked in joys without fearing for the future ones…

For there are,indeed, consequences to every choice we make, to everything we do or choose not to do…

Freedom allows each the right to choose the life before him or her, but freedom demands that the person accept the responsibility for those choices, good or bad…

You can give your heart to whomever you want, but you give your life to the one who's best for you and for the ones you love…

You're quite an expert in vagueness have you considered a career in politics…

Political platitudes satisfy for a short time only---people…but sooner or later we must realize we are being fed form without substance---What we must hear from our politicians is the truth,and we and they must believe it and we must hold them accountable…

There are always more questions than answers…

When you start looking for trouble--it starts looking for you…

We each give and we each take--and what we do should be the result of cooperation, not dictation…

The moment became so important silence made it golden, my eyes closed and watered, I felt uplifted, and remembered the first time that it had happened a long time ago…

I know,of course, what most tax payers still have a hard time understanding, Government cannot devise ways and means for giving back more than they can take in….

As the new masses come into our country--the appeal of America does not lie in truth…but in the vague impression it conveys to them that they and all Americans are partners in some tremendous, un precedented undertaking--the building of a proud future that will surpass and put all their troubles behind them and their kids a bright future...

We cannot win the weak by sharing our wealth with them…they feel our generosity as oppression…

What other people do should set no standards for us…therein lies one of the hardest of all lessons to learn…"For ye …like sheep" was no chance expression… Salvation itself lies in being different…But how am I to take thought and be different, without being different for the mere sake of difference??? I've seen a way…I shall turn to saying everything in a truthful way--I shall find this truth just where -I find everything else that is truthful for myself--in my own mind--if I will only look there, look steadily, and be willing to see--seeking-- I know what I will find…truth shall set me free...

What's happening --Untraceable neurochemicals instead of crude vegetable extracts---

Remember--Market researchers hunger for precise data on individuals --so do fund raisers, specialized address lists, journalists wanting subscription lists, computer dating services, memory is cheap and answers are so naïve--databanks are huge--credit companies, Insurance companies--Since electronic funds transfer money is another form of data---

He was peeking into the real window of life--To be good in anything a man has to love it and concentrate on it--put your heart where your thoughts are---

The sky at night --any view you can get --look -- that all it costs

Go--out in the woods--look up at the sky--thru branches, limbs, leaves, even wintered--the silhouettes ----

Frustrated anticipation like not getting something when it was expected--anticipation , or purpose, is more efficient than imagination in bringing about suitable responses; and this after all is the vital point in mental life---

it's an interesting scene to the cold world of barren reason----



It is all a question of comparative emphasis on what you regard as  " valuable ."--moral responsibility has been thrown out with the wash--the evil witch craft of the cry "raise the standard of living " peace and confidence and belief in the restorative powers of nature are still around--

Corky' s   Pond--men resort to talking only when they haven't the power to enforce their convictions upon others---can we be looked back on as rational animals--the tongue is, historically speaking, as old as the fist or the strongest arm....I am such a humanist that anyone approaching saint hood doesn't interest me----a plan that is sure to be carried out down to it's last detail already loses interest for me--

Today we still speak of " feeling " the truth , rather than  " thinking " it... human fallibility is the very essence to the color in our lives--

These are matters of habit which are all superficial-- " The universe is a lodging house for the myriad things and time itself is a  traveling guest of the centuries.

This floating life is like a dream. How often can one enjoy oneself?..." Li Po 

 There is no such thing as a human being so limited in intelligence, so dulled with routine, that he can't find interests which will make him alive to the tips of his fingers, to the ends of his hair--No more frayed nerves; no more nerves pounding at the end of your words...

But just let one idea come into your mind that sees to be leading you somewhere and away you go --energy--passion----d-e-s-i-r-e--reasons--actions--emotion--which comes first the chicken or the egg--

                  To feel an emotion--you will act--

                    in acting you feel an emotion.......

We are understanding more and more about less and less--"Mo-dern Specialization"

peace --I look beyond what we have here if that's possible--I believe one day we will be in a much better place--complaining no such luck-- I just want us headed in another direction--I have no credentials to say do this do that, it just has to be--our ways are rushing us towards extinction --it hurts to know --what's ahead--starlight nights--winter nights beside the fireplace--keeping the hearth warm --all is well in Ganttville --time in it's separated moments reveals--what spaces--leisure spaces--no one knows what they want to do with leisure time--mental, physical--no effort --hiding behind other reasons-- not facing what's in front of you--mental vacuity, trivial pleasures, and dissipation... the mind does not like having the  " vacuums "  ..

Our Life is shaped within us by our own desires and decisions--our own struggles and sacrifices....

  You get out of life just what--and no more than---you put into it...Your life will be as big or as cramped, as proud or as shabby, as successful or as futile as you yourself make it...

   Life is a one man job, and no one on earth can do that job for you---or should be expected to...Others may smooth the path a bit---lighten your load and brighten your way with love---but even such help is of dubious value, since it may tempt you to lie down and whine...

   Life is what you make it...And if you won't get busy on the making, you're just out of luck...

Paranoia isn't paranoia if someone is really after you...

The ashes of the average cremated person weighs nine pounds...

Ingratiation is the last resort of desperate people...

All people create a personal spore...

Only weak people take pleasure in imposing on the vulnerability of others and causing them pain...

He told himself crossly that a person could be too unselfish, so unselfish that he made everyone else feel guilty...

Why should I be blown about by every wind? Had I no firmness left in me...

I never told my wife I loved her enough or showed her---enough for me that is...

A list for my helper:

1.) Wood beside garage--(make into kindling)

2.) Plant rest of liriope

3.) Spray Akebia

4.) Garden (Till)

5.) Bring all boxes of books from upstairs

6.) Book shelves build in (Porch and pool room)

7.) Basement insulation

8.) Check room above Poolroom-what's up there and bring down

Friend of spiders:

Spiders the majority of which are harmless, are helpers of mankind in every sense of the word, destroying large numbers of other insects many of which are harmful...

They seemed intent upon living this lurid life, the ordinary evening wasn't enough---

I think a women gets more happiness out of being gay, light-hearted, unconventional, mistress of her own fate, than out of a career that calls for hard work, intellectual pessimism and loneliness...Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald

Statistical law of great numbers

If the number of tests of an event is large, then the proportion of successes in the tests is close to the likelihood of the event to manifest itself...

People never really mean to be unkind to children, or to each other, it is because they do not realize how suffering has degrees of intensity.. 

Writer Francis Thompson

A sweet bubbling cry from a birds throat fell down the wind, and pain stirred in my heart...

Kate Braverman 's--books

1.) The Incantation of Frida

2.) Wonder of the West

3.) Squandering the Blue

4.) Frantic transmissions to and From Los Angeles

5.) Lithium for Media

6.) Palm Latitudes

Marriage drains that which is unique in a women..

She had not the slightest notion that he made a point of observing the most intimate details of her life.. In fact he had found a hole in the wall between his room and hers; this served his curiosity and provided substance for his lecherous dreams...

A horny man will pretend an enthusiasm for just about anything...

No chemical compound has so many distinct and vital functions as water...in your body

Senescence is to a certain extent a matter of dehydration...

Fever is a defense reaction, generally against invading bacteria and viruses…

Raining here and the gray's are grayer--the greens set off it-- even looks cold between the trees a low fog covers the in be tween areas of branches and bowls of the tree…My son invited some people over to help him move some stuff his former wife wanted--they came , they arrived and then left--minimum of fuss--and bother--only some coffee--some one asked me the other day how I picked the pictures I choose--well it's what I guess you'd call ( the feel )--I'll be looking throughout the different drawings and one stops me and then I move slowly ahead looking at a few others--but keeping the one that stopped me in mind--I usually go back to that one at the beginning because it hung around more than others in my mind--My daughter came up wanting work to pay for something--I sort of quit asking what things are for--it's n--o--n--e  of my business…not the words but the looks--the scene is worth a thousands words--family drama --- Roxanne ---

  why I picked that shot of the pokeberries is just a feeling it comes as you go through things in life as one goes along-- these are the consequences from your movements through your life's path--there are times when I could have done things differently---it's hard looking backwards---most of the things you find back there are not what's ahead for you and it only matters if it leads you on--ward--conclusions have no place in an on going life--everything that happens goes on immediately--it's like first T.V. they couldn't change things they were live---real time scenes---as they were spoken----I can't believe I kept the forest so close to the house but it's worth it---the house setting in the middle like I built the house to fit in the woods and then let them grow up together--like playing a game called "Woods and House" living together ;  bought some loafers the other day and I don't think I remembered the part that the only people who wear loafers are those who have a lot of brainy work to do…cause they are specialty shoes they have a tendency to not let you do anything except something you can do in a totality relaxed frame of mind---Comfort--keeps bounding up when I get to thinking--and let my thinking go on it's own--it brings the word comfort--that's where all sensible minds ought to be headed in their thinking--today ---turn on your computer--check your e-mail--and don't catch "up" on the headlines--stay away--it's like to --drag your mind thru the horrors of the day--at the very first part of your day's beginning and it isn't worth--- what it will do for the rest of your day---they're becoming more devious in the ways they are attracting you--gimmicks-- so you don't let your fingers meander anymore--the least flicker--and you're somewhere you don't want to be--I heard that our president went on his vacation to Hawaii-- I can not imagine--but I can daydream--and it all comes up good….the holidays----one day after another--in line--pulling me from the bed so that I can get started on another wonderful (this word holds a lot) day--it's not so much what I do although it completes--the picture--and the way it all makes me feel---family points are the weakest structures in all relationships--they're built up out of soft plastic--so they can change shapes, contours, and fit in all the situations that occur in family interchanges--exchanges--and "goings on" the realms of which I sure can reach far beyond anything that can be…or not be…a truck just drove up the driveway---it looks like my truck--and so Jason and Greg are back from Cleveland--that was quick--almost like record time unless--well it's another one of those things i could waste my time and try to figure out--but damn it ain't any of my business---sort of reminds me of Chevy Chase this guy does--

But self pity is a fools game--It had been a strange site one unique in my experience--the thought kept coming back in,out, of a whole stuck of less acceptable thoughts--I have always wanted thought to be easy---to get what was needed--to alleviate what ever problems(if the right word) I would have to face---death always weighs out heavier than life--do ways always present themselves--the entire scene had the weird fatality of something that had happened and I knew I wanted no part of it---and never really had---except somehow I ended up here --Do feelings become weary---my thoughts are like airplanes whirling in jockeying for permission to land-- 

Feed back is a method of controlling a system by reinserting into it the results of its past performance…

Regularities are not absolutes but are rather statistical preferences which appear most of the time..

Panne is the  name ecologists give to an area from which the sand has been blown out right down to the 

saturated sand of the water table… this wet sand does not go away---it is one of the stabilizing factors of the dunes for vegetation…

She was always trying to find happiness instead of creating it--Jason Gantt

Tight roped along the edge of truth

Perception-- enlightenment--knowledge--Change--evolution…

I treated her like a little kid who wouldn't understand anything even if I explained it…

This all got started because none of us can look past what we're expecting…

I've never been one to hope for the best when the worst is staring me in the face…

I said you can have good will towards every body but you cannot choose who, or how you love…

Havana 1956--

It seems to me that the more expensive something is, the less of it there always seems to be….

"Lies" usually come gift wrapped in a thin tissue of truth…

Worth and value, they're not the same thing are they ? ….

You only think of the clever comeback after the argument's finished…

Isla Dewar's novel….

Politicians are nothing if not gossips…I think it's down to a lack of self-confidence,bad-mouthing  everyone else is such a simple option…

There are probably more eccentric rich people out there than normal ones...

-- 









Messages-----(The dreadful dead of dark midnight)--Shakespeare---(What is mind? No matter...What is matter? Never mind....)---T.H. Key

I guess I better start the day of with a confession-I worked yesterday like a madman on a walker--cause that's what I was--planting like I was never going to be able to plant again--tomatoes--beans--cucumbers--herbs --and citronella-for the sitting area--it was in a huge pot--I had to put on the seat of the walker to move it around--the dogs were a big help when I was doing one thing like mixing up soil they were digging holes and distributing--the unopened bags all over the driveway--big help--I even used ashes to keep the slugs and snails from bothering the plants--I spread it all over the ground--around the plants that I had planted--they especially bad at night--so usually when I feed the dogs outside--i bring the bowls in at night--mice or wood rats also find their the same bowls --and excrete in them and that's another reason I bring them in the house--and w2ash them thoroughly--

Coming from all different directions--coming in at so many different ways--"different" that's the key in these messages--I've noticed when I stay at home --I'm in for relaxing--outside the door of my house is sacred to nature--I messed up trying to get something started at home with no preparation--(well, another time)-- doing-- I feel like I'm in a cockpit all the time--buttons, controls, like pin ball-this is the feeling I have to get into to travel now--I don't go much anymore--there's another word we don't seem to have room for anymore-- " Feeling "--the two words together are "feeling Different" every day if you don't touch these two somewhere your life is in the pits--and for some reason you can't rationalize your way back--you have to feel--that's what's behind seeing--every thing comes from the outside to the inside and is evaluated--put somewhere in the memory banks--filed in it's proper place if ever confronted again--some people fool themselves by not showing their true self--it will hurt beyond their comprehension not, --now, but later--when for the last time you look back over your shoulder--I don't miss people--except for amusement--being old I'm limited by what I think matters in myself anymore--what's there to share but hey I'm old--youth--I listened to so much music when I was a "young fool"--head phones--high--the volume--could sometimes have been over my ears limit--it's not so much not wanting to hear others talk--it's wanting to stay in a zone where-- you feel-- you can "help"--feeling different helps--it all adds--!up! to what I still think of myself and just how much more I could do--age does have an upside--depends on how much you think of the downside--

It scares me into knowing how vulnerable we men really are--the act that --the one golden goody-- God or--yours--gave us as humans is for creation--it's cloaked pretty good as far as I concerned--why did we hide it? Who was the guy that made the decision to put cloth of all things--shouldn't we hang this guy--put him out his misery--the greens outside my window are just starting to lighten up--from morning light--there's a sheen on the ones closest to the light source--off into the woods more there's still shadows off and on--and memories of walking in the woods safely--getting back to the vulnerability of men--I never wanted something so much as to find the person you're supposed to be with--can it be anybody--how are we so different--without one there wouldn't be any other and yet we can't seem to cooperate--this coming together--why does it have to be so full of anxiety--and the looking, and touching, and playing the games,--feeling different and helping--if you only knew that you were doing those thing--it would matter--I read a  David Lodge book and it was talking about sex and the man and women--man having his way and women hanging on like it was her great duty to let this idiot perform--and how about that women who buried her husband in the back yard and didn't regret it one bit--I had to keep that in mind for a few days --for some reason it kept popping back up--now when women can start getting in the news and getting away with it--there's other things I'd like to keep on my mind--and one is reaching to the other person and let them know everything is all right--you reach your limit and that's when you start hearing other things that don't really matter--focusing in on the man and women objectives are the main attraction here--I really can't think of a more fitting conclusion--- as two people reaching there limit together--and feeling what's to be felt--together--wouldn't there have to be some kind of power generated or gases being released; shouldn't some thing go off some where else--balloons, kites, fireworks--I'm sitting here writing at a desk that faces southeast--the trees are so plentiful--I can't see beyond my window thirty feet--in any direction so I have plenty of openings-- I can; let my eye loose in,--while my mind sifts out what I would like to say--now the barks from the base of the large and small trees are coming into focus--like clothed figures these old friends and I have endured a lot--together--and it hasn't always been unpleasant--but how do you know--when you think things through--your belief in the matter--what's matter--(Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty, and women their happiness--Mme. De Rieux)
it has no relationship--it can't be thought of in the right way it has no existence--it's life's breath--you can't live where I live and not know that the smells going on are generated from the soul of the earth around my place--we've had some form of rain almost everyday--or when not raining clouds form up most of the sky--and the ground isn't being sucked dry--dog going up driveway--Different --make every hour you can different--why not make the seconds count also--what it all adds up to is you and enjoying your life--all the babble in the world isn't going to do anything for you--people will try to help--but why let them-get it started yourself you know better than anyone your requirements--and what makes you feel the best--and doing it yourself will give the strength needed for other things later--makes sense to me--another dog coming up the driveway--they know it's close to feeding time and they want to make sure--their here--the air condition vent is over my head--you wouldn't like in a restaurant cause it would be to cold--but when I writing a cold breeze down one's neck keeps the spirits from holding out--gives them what's needed to feel through what needs to be said--it's not easy spilling your insides--digging out the truth that's hasn't wanted to be exposed--like pulling teeth--I sit in my window and try to explain what I feel is going down--all around me and a good distance away also--watching T.V., just acting a part in life--observing what's out there and what' behind it--culturally speaking--I don't see much and before you get excited it doesn't matter what I think-- what matters is the continuous evolution towards what ever comes next--it's a rhythm--generated by the connection felt every day--a composite of the world of the moment--a speck is what you are--I don't even think you could be found--compared--with anything that had mattered--so what it all about--you--you--you do your part the best way you can honestly-taking into consideration that you do what you do because you enjoy your life because you are starting to feel your real self wanting to come up to the surface and begin living--well, well, well,-- an individual--a human worth noting and knowing-I share with you what I think because I'm in the mountains--and I'm looking over and down on you--I send you water--I know how much you get--I observe your sprawl, your greed, your ways that only a stranger can pick up on--I see what is happening down there and here things I could hardly imagine--what would make a person live there when not far away--heaven on earth--I guess it depends on how you want to be a liver, a giver, or a candle stick maker--I know you'd have to be into something that you knew would make your whole life worthwhile or at least I would hoped so--causes are a good thing to work with--focus--activity--monetary reasons--earnestness--a reckoning--the feeling that something is happening here and I don't know what it is but I feel--please don't take what I say as anything more than what it is--an expression from my heart to you--that what I'm saying now beyond this last word is from an opened heart--not surgery--but opened--by the strength of years and times that were all changing--experience--is hard to live through sometimes--it gives you a task--it let's you carry it out and then doesn't give a big damn--whatever comes down the pipe is the way it is--hard to believe someone would let people like us loose on such a fine piece of property--and at what a cost--how can you not want to live here free--whose screwed it all up--how can we look each other in the eyes and not wonder--who the hell do we think we ARE--I'm looking for my soapbox--(memory) I was in one soapbox derby--over near Tech--somehow I remember them sponsoring it for the kids--could be wrong--but anyway I was there sort of thing--as a kid I had this big tree in the yard and everyone would come over and climb up it lots of low branches--I climbed it one time got up on one of the branches and had a scarf made out of rope--not a noose--just rope--I got this idea to hang from the neck piece--I hung it over the limb--then I proceeded to let loose of one side and then reaching for the other end realized a mistake in the theory of what I was about--of course I was already on my way down to the ground--about 15 feet--I landed on my side and the breath was removed forcibly from my lungs--in other words I thought I was in some kind of pain--well needless to say that was written in my memory on a stone tablet--next to the ten commandants--I can see up through the trees now--the sky clouds are thinning--it might burn off by 10 or 11--the housedog is becoming more pronounced in her hunger begging--and I'm feeling a little guilty--must be something to this caring--

Describing a process is not finding the reason for the process--

I think it is a lie for a man unable to make a decision to say, Anyway we know all the facts." (like kiss my ass)

When the flesh is satisfied the spirit is calmer and more at ease, and it becomes more amorous and appreciative---love in bloom

What is patriotism but love of all the good things we grew up with---

Nature does not produce a combative temperament where no fighting is needed...

he difference between cannibals and civilized men seems to be that cannibals kill there enemies and eat them, while civilized men kill their foes and bury them, put a cross over their bodies and offer up prayers for their souls. Thus we add stupidity to conceit and a bad temper (Lin Yutang )

The herbivorous men go their way through life minding there own business, while carnivorous men make their living by minding that of others---

There is a curious belief in some people that a proper accumulation of objective facts add up into wisdom...

Destiny is not the slave of laws; it is their master, employing them as it pleases...The laws themselves are simply fate working out it's will, fate being not an intrusion into the world, but the world itself---

Even the laws of Nature, rigid as they may seem, are unable to thwart fate, which often uses one law to outwit another... ( Hartwick )

 Trying a little free thought is sometimes discouraging because you can't always say what you feel needs to be said-- words sometimes come from so many directions it hard to comment on why they do this but it's so simple to let them flow from the specit of their choice because what comes out may be worth it's weight in gold--sometimes I feel I've said enough--because I feel guilty when I control the flow of so many minds trying to follow a fellows saying--I road around the back roads around my house and came up with all kinds of thoughts--my dog was sitting in the front seat with me--I had a fantasy about a patrolman pulling up and I said she's the boss--about this time she has to have her afternoon ride--just around the country road--

Evil is always somebody's mistaken point of view…

How many a man has dated a new era in his life from the reading of a book! The book exists for us, perchance, which will explain our miracles and reveal new ones… Henry David Thoreau

Spiritual Law--Let a man catch a glimpse of the better state and he will take it every time….

The magic words--" Try another way "

How is that we are so far behind in money matters--we have politicians that are in Washington taking care of business--right--we have a country to run-- right --and they are doing us a favor, by spending us to the poor house--right--it's not like they're doing it behind our backs--don't we have people that watch these things--then how do they get done--hmm,hmm….sending Kerry to some country to help them out with a billion dollars--how can we do that--were up to our ass in debt--and we're still essentially giving money away--why don't we take care of ourselves,our infrastructures are crumbling all around us--bridges,roads,schools,government buildings, we're in shambles and not even thinking about taking care of our own business--you know like clean up our own backyard before we go interfering with other peoples--how can this keep going--the amount of money we owe is astronomical who can't see this--if we took all the fingers out of all the pies that we shouldn't be involved in--and started taking care of our own business we'd be do it in no time--I have no doubt--we as Americans don't like what I'm seeing and it keeps going--politicians are not doing there jobs--if anywhere in the world people would let things go on like this as far as the debt is concerned--how could anything get done--no way--people would be standing in line to get their money back from no good lenders--now how has it turned out that we are the protectors of the whole world--we go in we take out who ever was doing the wrong and then we build back all we destroyed--hmm hmm hmm we leave carnage where ever we go--we leave death and distraction where ever we go--we leave our boys and girls dead--families ruined--futures demolished, and still look for other ways to keep going in the same old death and destructive ways as before--will we never learn--or are we learning that the more we pretend to be doing the worst--no-one will stop and think--or try to hold on to common sense and say hey--there's no way we can keep this up--and then another term of office starts and we hear the same good old boy crap--no one is held accountable--and God forbid Hillary Clinton is coming out for President--I'm actually sick of the Clintons--and she's coming out with a book for God's sack--when will they go away--what did they do when they were in the White House--I don't really want to know--I just want them to fade away--I'm not looking for another Christ to be our President but surely someone our there can come up with something better than we've already had--it's pathetic--we have a good system that's lasted forever and every one is watching it go down the tubes--help--where have all the values gone--where have all the eye to eye things gone--where have all the kindnesses gone--where has everything gone that got us to where awe are today--there has to be some kind of goodness somewhere--why is it when you think of somewhere to go it's out of the country--when you go there you aren't respected--you're treated like crap--what's wrong with our own country--huh--hey I'm asking you--well it's not easy for me to have to go through this with anyone I can't see--look you in the eye--and try to discuss something so important--because this is important especially if it's going to be stopped--and is it--ha--what has Europe or any other country outside the U.S. done for us--that's right I'm asking--what have we given--lives some of our best-and I'm sick of doing anything that is going to cost us more--am I the only one who wonders whose going to stop this murdering of our boys and girls-- the kids that come with their limbs and bodies ruined--am I crazy--or what--where are the mothers and fathers--does no-one care--how can one person send so many people to die and for what--what have we got in return--are we getting things under the table--and I just don't know it--well I hope it's something really big because to me it's not worth the cost in lives of people who could really help in the future… and could probably contribute to our futures if left alive to do so….damn it all--wake the hell up people--we're getting so far out of sight of right and wrong we're losing our perspective of what right and wrong is--we're just getting to where it frightens me--to the point that---who cares---and we can't do anything about it anyway so why bother What we need to do is get a handle on our own Country and take care of our own business-by getting what we have back in good order--then take another look at where others are going and see if they believe in what we believe is right or wrong--this crap about going to any body's aide who needs it is way out of control--how did they get to where they are--how did we get to where we are--one step at a time--we all have problems and life was never an easy thing but when you go in and start telling others how to live--they lay down and wait for you to handle everything that will come down the road…

Money brings with it a responsibility some of us are unable to handle…

Sometimes it is to easy to read meanings into things…

I sit outside my house watching work being done--- I had  a chair brought out--sometimes I just stare out into the woods letting the sound of hammer and saw wash over me…

The thing about memories, they mean nothing to anyone else…

Our beliefs guide our desires and shape our actions…

No question can exist when I see it clearly; it becomes it's own answer…

Drama is the artistic expression of empathy…

Hurry is the slowest way of doing anything….

The object of reasoning is to find out from the consideration of what we already know, something else which we do not know…

       

Lost and Found "?????"

I'm an old man that says that nothing is ever lost by patience--Opportunity knocks continually forever--upscale consumer demand is insatiable---Improving prospects breeds rising expectations, not complacency--Good Coffee--J. Martinez and company-- Just as we have peripheral vision, we seem capable of peripheral attention---The phenomenon which can make even a tiny creature seem huge and menacing ,is called macropsia---I've learned that no one in the world knows what's going on in the mind of a another human being---Remember this about doing impulsive things you'll always have minor regrets about them all your life and what's worse no explanation for why you did them---revolving emptiness--Restlessness can tear out your insides-- " Only he can wholly enjoy to whom enjoyment is no necessity"--(W.E. Hocking)--The complexity of trying to exist simply--blazing new trails has always been harder than improving old roads Business is change --what next, what's going to be--technological quality and innovation--new ideas are less ends in themselves than they are links in a continuing chain of ideas--new inventions are links in a continuous chain of innovations---Cheerfulness that masks hidden anguish can be more frightening than the messy truth--the person who is willing to let go is sure of being understood ,and only friendship which can stand occasional plain speaking is worth having---we have lost the courage to hope--we are sowing what we do not mean to reap--nothing so unites enemies as the knowledge that they have been the common victim of a third mischievous party---this is a mad world of roads ,and concrete blocks and bricks, and people going somewhere else because they can't stand where they are, because they've ruined where they are, to get some where else which is ruined, to come back to where they were---One cannot win a war for democracy by dictatorial methods---Big cities swallow up strangers--Chalk things that are disagreeable up to experience and you'll never do them again---Don't let anyone fool you: beggars can be choosers--A man can quit a job lot easier than he can get it back---If I take my whole passionate, spiritual and physical love to the women who in turn loves me, that is the way I serve GOD---No one leaves adolescence clearly without a foretaste of death--Reality must become totally re-evaluated --the clarity of purposively realized objectivity is the most supernatural of all visions--Marriage is an open window of opportunity--It is not easy for two members of a race, in this century, to learn again how to make  love  webs mesh as they should--Good poets render a strict accounting of their souls---Yet the relentless accumulation of the individually imperceptible adds up to a crushing weight--How hollow is your existence ? How shallow is your life ? The world is as it should be--there is something in the world that prevents any absolute state that can endanger it's continuation--now more than ever one must remind oneself that it is wasteful folly to wish that time would pass, or as the puritanical old saying used to have it--to kill time until time kills you---It's something in the eyes that seem to reveal awareness that it was never going to be-- a different look about the eyes it loses  a certain blank expression characteristic of those that have associated with only there own kind.. Speech is a great civilizer and just listening to what is only vaguely comprehended as an attempt at communication does something to even a small brain--we are "Compulsory Protein Feeders"--But if animals are deprived of hope (as well as fear) ,they are compensated by being given an almost endless patience for enduring , or simply for waiting--They say that when one of Tolstoi's acquaintances, who happened to be a bigoted meat eater ,came to dinner, he found a chicken and a knife tied to the table leg; if he wanted meat Tolstoi told him, he would have to prepare it himself--there is more than one kind of dirty work which we habitually hire others to do for us---Men and women have rationalized in many different ways their decision to disregard the scruples they could not help feeling--A snowflake is proof that inanimate nature, by the very physical laws of her being, creates comeliness and symmetry--Beauty would exist without an eye to see it in precisely the same degree and precisely the same way that a sound would exist even though there were no ear it could fall upon---My home --I could find no more wonderful place--I've withdrawn from the great world into a little one of my own--Why is woods ,trees, streams, leaves, red mud, ground, country roads, ah hell anything out of the city--I know people who love the city--I grew up there--I know the excitement--I don't "question it" you watch the changes come on people gradually--it does not happen real fast--

Zen and birds with no appetite sing beautifully-

Harshness to others who have been harmful to us may seem like a road paved with wisdom--"Often in the end the wise bow to the beautiful". (Holderlin)

The city--it's the soul of the universe it beats like a heart in the midst of a tremor--I don't quarrel with the love of any form of life--I enjoy mine--when I can find time to make it my own--Have you ever owned anything with anyone else--talk about hard it's like slowing down and not wanting too--Try for every minute you're going to get --I watched my as  my wife's last light went out of her eyes--all I know is that it made "missing her greatly;" an attitude that happened in my life--it carried thru thick and thin times that changed inside of whatever I thought mattered--It gave me the insight that others "do matter"-actually it scared me "awake"  --I had no idea I had come this far from what "a life I loved"-a dream come through--thoughts that mattered--no crosses to bear --no schemes in my mind--the only telltale sign that's left --is a fat ass caress overweight, thinning hair, bad breath, bad attitude, bad back, bad legs, and I prefer laying down as sitting up--bad eyes, and one of the worst eating habits that's made a quivering fool out of me whenever something has salt ,sugar, and the elusion that it's good for me--A shot or two of coffee --an 81 Bayer aspirin, a biscuit with a little twister in it and I'm good to get--at three o'clock in the morning --with a light on inside my front porch (enclosed) bugs trying to get to the light source--are every where tinkling on my windows, screens, and under the door--that made me stop and think--I'm barefooted and don't care for things crawling over my feet--under a darkened table--and example I got up because I used the rest room-- a little before three early--my dog got up --usually means she needs to exactly what I did--I let her out got some cereal -put it on the table next to my book and tablet--more or less waiting on Sammy the dog (She's a girl) I get comfortable--settled more like it--start reading and taking notes concentrating--a big black moth fly's by my mind--what went through it was a huge--it could have been an air-o-plane--I wasn't expecting that type of thing--I spilled my cereal--had to clean it up--took my bowl to the sink--reached in and grab the wash cloth--and damn if a scorpion wasn't on the rag--right on the tip of my finger--you gotta do what you have to do--so I got a beer didn't want to totally give up on the night--of course Sammy 's waiting and brings another dog in with her Beau--I get me some water because I'm going back to the front porch where I was earlier in the day--computer, books, writing desk, the works, anyway I start getting ready --turn on the light --and out of the corner of my eye--I see this rather large blackness--Darth Vader--a spider with outstretched--he had " menacingly effective potential "I hit at that sucker -I stomped at that sucker and missed every time remembering I was barefooted didn't help--anyway three o'clock, not much sense, from Georgia, living out in the middle of no where--with a beer and I'm loose--I finally got the spider with a long object you stick in golf bags to hold your clubs separate --It certainly was long enough --I just don't feel up to war when I'm barefooted --you know most people like to dress for the part--the communications from nature are always ill received...

Why can't we and nature get along or together on any thing--we have the same air--we are on the same area of land--(we're apart of evolutionary progression) we know each other just from living and experience of sharing moments in the same locality--why do we continue to act antagonistic to one another--Howl in the Night  (like marriage when something can't be agreed upon)

In human beauty with it's grandeur--"the sublime" carries us into patience an area we don't have much room for anymore--as a matter of fact without patience you can get down right ornery--all the time--excuses a word I've been thinking about comes to mind---The Word is  " Deviousness " Strange for a word to pop up like that --they never learn --they live by instinct--my end stinks to but it don't tell me a thing--The things we've done to others and others have done to us almost " tit for tat "How long do those tits and tats last--forever--what comes to mind is forgiveness--the word--the thought--the mind--the soul--the heart--we're talking touching the inside--the within--where the laboratories have been cooking for years--gives me chills just thinking we could be headed back to where things were simple--where you could breath and think I'm with my fellow man--and not worry about being stabbed in the back--this doesn't mean that you don't have to stand on your own two feet--you owe
--we owe--try staying tender--because we are --helpless ness in this world hurt's a lot--It means co-operating --no matter what the destinies are exposed and let loose----Hatred, deviousness--get together like bees and honey--we are nothing more than what we are--face it--the quicker the better for you are on the road to the end life--don't waste it--If you're not who you want to be--well--if you don't enjoy what you're doing--well--if you are afraid to get out on your own--well--your destiny, my destiny, other's destinies, none other matters; but what is your own--fix it--put it own--try it out--a new fashion--a new thrill--it's an eye opener when you consider what you are doing exposing the inner self--no holds bared--a god's send--a thought provoking experience--

 De Musset said---That only the passing sorrows curse heaven;  the big sorrows just listen. . Comfort is the last word you should remember in living--do unto others as you would have them do unto you--every thing is gained--we are not losers even when the deletions are totaled

Dickinson:
  
The earth reversed her hemisphere---
I touched the universe---

And back it slid--and I alone--    
A speck upon a ball
Went out upon circumference

Most of the time I feel I'm in the midst of an illusion--mildly dissociative symptoms--detached, out of what I feel comfortable--out of character--a wilderling wondering unnerved --with no direction of my own--I grope --like trying to get out of quicksand--hold pull myself out--black night to early morning hours light and my way back home-   _-