Conversation

Did absolutely nothing to day except washed clothes--and dried them--cleaned up kitchen--tried to finish a book I was reading but it just kept getting longer the closer I got to the end--still working on it though--will definitely finish by to night--did not do exercises not yet anyway--watched the Braves get beat by the Marlins--bad-- two pitchers that were supposed to be good got the snot beat out of the by the Marlins--Got dog food ready for last feeding for the night--I've come back twice today thinking there was something I had to write down--but nothing seems to want to come out--

Had a guy come over today to talk about some old furniture I wanted to get rid of--antiques really--but were they doing me any good--no--sitting outside i a garage--where they were protected but the dampness could get to them--he was glad to get them --we'll see how glad--didn't make him pay anything until he sold them and decided to let him decide on the split--he wasn't comfortable with that way of doing it but I wanted to see how he would handle it--maybe someone can use the stuff and make it look nice wherever it's going--hope so--

   Been getting upset lately--for no other reason than (what I can figure) is impatience--maybe but will have to think on it some more--but really it's just that I'm slow--and seem to get irritated when I can't get something done when I want---still doing excesses--and playing on computer..and reading started reading Science Fiction--the other day you have to want to get into Science Fiction and not put it down to quick...cause at first I didn't think I was going to like this book but it grew on me and now I really like it--because it does have a story to it...and actually it's good by a guy named Sheffield--so I'll probably finish it to day..going to stick with it...do my exercises and watch Braves baseball to day it stars at 11:30--

     Got up real early 3:20 and sat on side of bed and then decided to get up and go on front porch and write--it's enclosed--so I went in there and started reading and made some notes--and went on Facebook to put something on it--did ad got tired and decided to go back to bed but here I sit writing...

Not long ago a woman asked me if I knew Edward C. Curtis--at that moment I had the woman on my mind and wasn't to into the subject we were talking about--yes --I guess you cold say i was in the midst of wooing her--and old man and his problems--but anyway it of course got me to thinking--it's a distance to my library where I sit now writing and when I go out to the library--I usually carry a list of books I want to bring back in--when I come back to the computer--area--it's a chore because I use a walker--and walkers are no like grocery store buggies--they have this small basket underneath the seat--that holds very little as far as I concerned--which the little part is good cause to heavy a load and it's hrs to push and control- well I started looking for the books and it just so happened they were books on and about Indians--13 or 14 was the final total of my books on Indians and so the struggle back to the computer started--I made it with only a few cuss words --and the books got here safe and sound--the above book was one included in my haul--and it was a dozy--all the pictures were taken by Edward C. Curtis and they are excellent--along with the pictures is a little story about each and every one--

                         The great sea
                         Has sent me
                         It moves me
                         As the weed in a great river
                         Earth and the great weather
                         Move me
                         Have carried me away
                         And move my inward pars with joy

To us the ashes of our ancestors are sacred and their resting place is hallowed ground...

Boy have I been up tonight--what thoughts--that unannounced visitor left me with--this guy is way out there--especially to someone like me--who doesn't always--get visitors--or really doesn't want visitors--he came up talking and wanting to communicate and he actually told jokes--and then after he'd told it that was a joke--up here when someone talks I listen not only because I'm hard of hearing but I haven't had conversation in so long that you want to listen and see if the world is still the same--and of course it isn't--the unfolding--of each and every day can't be--evolution--getting back to this I guess you can call someone a friend when you haven't seen them in I'm guessing 16 or 17 years --he was a wreck--he's hurting and the first impression I got was he was in trouble--and I guess mainly he needed money and at his age he was looking for that pot of gold that keep the rich satisfied to put up with poor people and the poor people trying to get it--all the time in their dreams--if this if that --if pigs could fly--and all dreams would come true--but what matter most was the old friend I could still see little remnants of it still deep in his eyes--he was looking for a way out..this was the scary part to me at least--I saw a dog or a cat impression that new it was near the end--and came looking for me to tell me he was going away--and we both new it--the cat or dog wanted to go off and die in his own way--and so I wouldn't need to bother with him anymore--or the world wouldn't--but I saw the will still there --if only things hadn't turned out the way they had --he said he was going out and look for good places to hunt and scare up some turkeys--I think he probably had some kind of insurance that would take care of some pressing financial matters for his family--he even mentioned he hadn't even finished paying off his daughters wedding--yes I could see in his eyes the torture he was going through--and it brings tears to my own now--I hope this is all wrong--but he loves his wife and his family and I could even feel that even more he's looking for an out--a hunting accident after all these years all of a sudden --a new interest of an old get-a-way ideas--are funny things--in an out of the way place like where I live

It's hard for me to differentiate between God and Truth--if man stayed in truth--he would be filled--to the brim--with positive thoughts--packed is probably a better word--if you want good results you must have a good inner source from which they will flow..Make the tree good-- if you want good fruit...

Went to bed early last night--had to get up and use the restroom during the night reached over to turn the light on--no electricity--dark except the moonlight--meandered toward the bathroom and made it--using the walker--relieved myself--and went to locate my daughter--to tell her to call the power company and damn if she hadn't already done it--talk about shocked--well not to put her down--but what a relief--she'd done it--maybe I don't give her enough credit--I think the world of her--she really reminds me of my mother--who was questionable--or maybe I didn't give her enough credit--but anyway there must have been a lot of power outages--cause it took them forever--the wind had been blowing all night in huge gusts--not scary though--but still hadn't heard wind that ferocious in a good while--

yesterday a neighbor called and asked to speak to me--I'm actually hard of hearing--so most of the conversation was missed--but I got the gist of it--she asked me if I knew anybody that lived around our area who owned a goat, a pig and a big brownish dog--I had to think--I don't recall anyone around   here who owned that kind of menagerie--but how was I supposed to know--I hardly ever go out of the house unless I need to go to my library--located out in the garage--so I said no--well I happen to rent a house down the road--and guess what those people--do have animals like that--what happens is when they go to work the pig, dog and goat follow them--down the road--I thought what a combination--if I was driving up the road and saw that group coming at me--It would be unusual--so I'd of have to have a picture of it--I'm trying to get my grandson to go down there and take a picture

What I think of the world situation--is our consciousness has expanded--the things we never saw like a lot of death--bodies, car wrecks a lot more horror live stuff is shown onT.V. and so we take death for granted even with gore--war-thoughts--killings, robbery, become glorified when shown on T.V. it causes the people involved-to become real--when your ind sees bad examples you become accustomed to it and you can see more without it bothering you--the more you think you're facing real life--but you don't realize you're opening up your life to more of the same--unusual experiences--are not always the best to live under--not trying to limit you life in any way just trying to let you see you don't always have to face reality in your own life especially the kind that brings the experience of death to your door--you only have to confront what you want to--except when you really do face up to a real life situation--and believe me that's usually enough unless you're a sick freak--or get into stuff that causes a lot of mental changes--the walking dead--give me a break--sicko--yes I said sicko--anybody that watches that has got to get a life--it drains the thought of being alive right out of one--why would anyone in his right mind even think up something like that --not really asking a question just thinking why would anybody care--just shows one how far we've gotten from entertainment--when we let "shochingness" take over entertainment--gore--can come at you on it's own--why have it brought to your home in a hand basket--excited journalism--forceful journalism--shocking journalism--and what it gives in return is not worth the effort--even what is going on in countries on the other side of the world--how does that effect anyone here even if it is to other humans --they're from a whole different culture--you can't change--lives that have been tampered with for eons--especially if they hate you from the start--because of your aggressiveness--our culture is made up of many cultures--the only thing we offer is freedom in certain areas that others have never experienced--so it's new and they get used to it--write home and we get more of the same--people who can't believe people can live like this--you get good and bad---as we already have here good and bad--we are just adding more in every situation problems to already existing problems--we are making things worst for ourselves in the long run thinking we're helping others when we're doing anything except forcing issues on others that don't particular want to be forced into anything--just left alone or will accept handouts--and we think that is helping--all it helps is for others to see we give at the least provocation and will give for any reason--especially if we see pictures of a sad nature--we love to think we're helping how do you think all these big shots in other foreign countries have gotten rich--we gave to help their countries and they kept the money for them selves---

Why do we have boundaries--why do we have what is called states--why do we still have county governments and state governments--why do we call ourselves the United States--we're one and all--why do we have a United Nations,, we're all still one--why do we have Embassies, why do we have county agents--these are all still a little out of date and could possibly save us billions of dollars--think about what would we suffer if we didn't have them--in todays internet communications we don't need them---no way--new names , a little thought, and we'd be-- way ahead in a new type of game--the start of a new evolutionary process...one headed into a new world order...one where all people would have to take responsibility for all problems instead only-- one country always being responsible...

This is out wild--we have problems all over the world--the internet brings it home so fast--like faster than a speeding bullet--but yet all we still do is worry it to death with talking about it--or complaining about it--why-can't we do what needs to be done--why can't we as people--take care of business--make it simple--when something goes wrong--it means things aren't going as they should--and war is not the answer--getting together and discussing it doesn't seem to help either because everybody wants something out of it--money, land or greed of some kind--disease,war, it all means nothing--what we need to do is get going on everybody being happy--and all lives being made pleasant--without all this trauma -- it causes to much unhappiness---when a problem arises it should be one for everybody--not just in one section--the world is a globe--everybody is on it--we need to start to stop thinking in terms of boundaries--they just mean we are different from you--we are no different from each other---maybe skin color--underneath--we all die the same way--we all are effected the same away by disease and injury--so why can't we drop the pretenses and get on with the real problems that we are bring on ourselves...and get them solved--

Boy has this been a week for death and dying can you see the end of all this--I can't we've bound ourselves right into another war-----I think everyone just wants out do the other--but now ISIS or whomever they are have made a step toward their crowning glory----Just finish a book by William Shawcross--Deliver Us From Evil--very interesting--covers very similar topics to what we find ourselves in at the moment--war,aftermath,Bosnia, Africa, Asia, and various and sundry other places going to hell in a hand basket --United Nations and all the other go and help and get other things for free--or low down payment--and forget about the debt--type of organizations--and we're talking multi-millions and how more and more countries are trying and how they're trying to get the big bucks--from suckers out there...now I know I rattled some cages by saying that the way I said it--but when you're talking big bucks and doing nothing except grabbing--there are a lot of countries that are only after the bucks and then using them for weapons and personal goodies--and then there are countries and "honest" folks that are going to use it for nothing but Humanitarian needs--yea--h-mmm --O.K.--not like winning the lottery but close--and I'm sure the dollars will reach into the hovels all down the line--good luck--every body is payed up front --and you better believe it---well anyway--instead of sitting around wondering how we can get involved in war--is there anyone left who tries to figure out ways of staying out of wars..having my first cup of coffee for the morning--trying to stay away from the T.V. so i want have to see bombs dropping and missiles firing and not having to think what they do when they hit the ground--or target

During the winter months --I wear smaller T-shirts--large instead of extra-large--in the summer I wear x-large instead of large--looseness and tighter helps with heat and cold...

So my eyes shed a few tear drops--one of the few times in my life when tears have come at the same time as real loss...

I'd never come up against "no way" before...

I 've heard no-one say anything today or for a long time--about self-control...

The human race is more than discouraging to work with...

In today's time of great fast communication and the way Americans are being thought of--why do we need embassies and help in other countries--we can't even protect them anymore--and did you see that one on T.V. a swimming pool right off the back deck--have we lost our minds--sending people way over to another country--where they can do God knows what--right they're not going to abuse the privileges--excuse me--can you imagine how well we could do if we brought everyone of those rich people home--closed all the embassies down--and started taking care of business--if something happens in another part of the world we're going to hear about almost instantly...all embassies do is be nosy--and set up contacts incase one of our citizens get's in trouble--they can grease the wheels that they've set up to keep us out of trouble--among other things--which are becoming more and more unimportant because we're so hated all over the world and we want be traveling much anymore...unless it's at each individuals risk...it reminds of the same thing here at home the county agent--aren't farms going down the tubes then why do we still need so many county agents...just ruts that need to be redone--worked over and got rid of...same old same old..

Insanity what is all this giving money away--how can we see past our own problems--now we're wanting to give another country some huge amount--are we not in debt up the ting-yang--if you or I were in debt --who would give us a loan to give money to someone needy just because we thought they need it--har-har--with puke on top--we've got to stop this doing one thing and then doing another--we can't keep passing the buck from one generation to another--if others can default or there debts why can't we--is another way to look at it--or hey why don't we just write it off--who would care except the people who we owed it to--we're in all kinds of wars--why not start another one to let us divorce ourselves from our total debt...who could stop us---we think we're so great let's bring every one home tighten up our borders and close ourselves off from the rest of the world--and dare anyone to come screw around with us and then if they do let them have it...good case for the blahs... maybe a little stupidity thrown in...

Great  when are we going to stop--now we're going to give Tunisia $ 60 million dollars because countries are trying to destabilize their Government--when are we going to stop this shit--whose in charge here-good God--next we'll be attacking them and sending our boys there to get killed--does it ever end all you have to do is get in touch with our Government and complain you think you are under attack or goona be and wham we'll send you money and back it up with the lives of our youngsters--are we ever going to run out of money and our boys--this is making me sick--war mongers--America the beautiful...we're crumbling at the seams--and what are we going to do about it--nothing--except send in more troops..is there anybody out there that's sick as I am--war--oh I forgot it's almost football season maybe some of our aggression will go away...

Walked into an office of a county agent--what was he doing playing a video game--busy guy--are there as many farms as there use to be--Duh.. and yet we keep getting replacements for County agents--Duh--shouldn't we be getting rid of them as archaic or monsters in the past--if we got rid of a lot of old government people wouldn't we save a considerable amount of money--and couldn't we use it for improvements in what we really are having problems with--The city of Atlanta has quite a few--how does one go about setting up some type of group to get rid of the useless old government people--Dept. of Agriculture would probably be like taking on the Pentagon--can you imagine all the old foggies in that Dept.. and how they would be protected--

Aren't we into one of the most productive sections of communication that we've ever had--can't we stop having embassies and army depots all over the world--I mean my God the communication skills of today far out do anything that has ever been known...the chain of command is still in effect--so why can't we just do everything from our home port--and bring all the other old battle-axes home--and make them quite playing God of the countries they are ambassadors too...

What the hell is going on here--I was watching the news again and there was this Capt. blah-bkah on and he was saying we need a new Political, economic and military strategy--he didn't say anything about a Peace Strategy--have we gone nuts--why can't we stop this world protection agency idea--we are not the world's savior--we are just like anyone else trying to live a comfortable life--we are struggling ourselves--can't we just accept what we have and let every other nation discover it's own way and means to their own comfort zones...and can't we leave ourselves and our noses out of their business...

Why is it so hard for people to get along--how can we work out what the differences are--and get on with the correct way of living...the right way--for every body...

I watched Mad Max the other night and if we're not getting closer and closer to actually what that movie represented I'd be surprised--blacks and I know just bring this up I going to be a racist--when is that word going to stop being so important to blacks--it's about time for them to start standing on their own two feet--I know from our history--and the way we treated them was horrible--but now is a little different--I don't think I want to get into this--so I'm going to leave it alone--and move on...

Only a fool would kill a journalist---the slime of the world need darkness…killing a journalist would turn a spotlight into their holes and they know it…W.E.B. Griffin

A wise man sees as much as he ought, not as much as he can…Montaigne

Rationalization a mental process of constructing artificial reasons--to justify an inference or an act which is actually based on other grounds...

An inference is a new thought, based on associated meanings or values, which we believe will tally with known facts…

A superstition is imagining some relation in nature which does not rely exist...

The purpose of speaking regarding whatever is to remove mental obstacles and induce the mental state which enables a co-operative conversation by way of conscious selection...

I've let other interests pre-empt my attention...

Words help to create a negative image which is difficult to overcome--so use words carefully

It's folks you do things for that you love the most...

But do we have to give away our sons--it seems-- wars, crosses, death, money struggles--we always give away our sons...

The remark was casual , thoughtless---meant to fill up space; yet it cut...

You don't let strangers touch your dead...

Forgiveness is a virtue few people ever learn...

Good news can wait--bad news travels fast...

The best eye opener in the morning is a whiff of early coffee floating into a room...

But these Mexicans I hired would walk into hell itself if they thought they could make a few dollars doing it...

I always talk fast when I'm trying to cover something up--or trying to forget myself...

A man doesn't live into his late sixties-- or seventies--not knowing there is more that he can't find answers to than things he can...

Diplomacy--better known in American politics as covering your ass

The moment you change the way you feel about a situation, that is the transforming moment..

No man could spend a night alone with a woman, and remain indifferent...

When things aren't going well --I always like to find a place where "blame" can be conveniently laid...

When she had gone I sat back in my seat and remained there, staring in front of me with blank, unseeing eyes...

It is astonishing how easily one can reassure oneself over any point if one really wants to...

Any gain that arises from another's loss is dirty…

Life is an endless experiment…

Prosperity was the reward of the old testament, Adversity of the new---Bacon

No matter what a man talks about, no matter how outlandish or bizarre or other wordlist his subject matter, if it sees clearly, thinks nobly, and expresses himself in sincerity, his message will find the heart of the world...

We become moral only when we are thrown back upon our instincts by the seeming injustice of destiny…

No, your intellect is not your highest goal; you are superhuman only when you are caught in the fires of your primal instincts...

The careful, wise man will do for ordinary occasions, but for the splendid deeds it needs a man who is a bit mad...

There's nothing to be gained in regrets…

All are waiting at the misty edges of potentiality---

There's a saying about Americans: first come the missionaries; then in order, soldiers, guns, war, whiskey, and then disease...

If you are interested in a finer love life, you must not miss the significance of mental laws--

We attract and hold a person of the other sex who dwells on the same general level that we ourselves occupy. Like attracts like.. to attract someone on a higher level--which means that he or she will be a much nicer person--we need do only one thing: raise our own level…

Tell my friend that the light he lit in my life continuous to shine still...

Some conversation is trivial, and it stupefies: some is invigorating and it stimulates: some is poisonous, it harms; some is helpful and health- giving and it purifies…

*Deadly Sins of Conversation

1.) Each contributor has a sense of satisfaction and a certain amount of self-respect…(let's just grunt)

2.) Tactful conversation often helps to put a timid mind at ease…(let's just lay down on our backs)

3.) Conversation develops self-control and courtesy…(let's get rid of guns)

4.) Conversation increases the vocabulary…(let's take a dump)

5.) Conversation helps a person to know the " real " interests, needs, and capacities of friends…(let's fake it)

6.) Conversation presents an opportunity for giving information verbally at an appropriate and opportune time…(let's spy)

7.) Conversation gives an opportunity for correcting wrong impressions…(let's not be who we are)

8.) Conversations , to some extent is a means of evaluating past history…(ears have words)

Conversation

the person who engages in a monologue instead of a conversation never knows the real interest, needs, and capacities of others…Oh, that we might talk less and listen more…It is so much easier for a person to " tell them " to people than to lead them, to ask questions or share in a bit of knowledge---telling tales, his, or any to keep your own interest up--even though eyes of the other tell a different tale and you see that no-one is particularly interested…Most of the time what I tell someone is only interesting to me…I often have the distinct impression that I have overestimated the mental capacity of whoever is around me; and at other times I feel that i have under estimated their capacity…These impressions, are a bit vague..It's borne in on me by the blank expressions on their faces, or by what in older folks could be a " Bored " expression, accompanied by  restlessness…Away with the monologue--converse--you will find yourself with friends and no-one else…

I am sorry for you, but due to your friend you will be detained a little longer--(pick your friends wisely)

To face reality you have to be monkish--be content with enough to eat--only when your stomach growls--it's hungry--to sleep only when necessary--to appreciate what you have…monkish

Power without love becomes brutality

It is important --always-- to choose wisely

the mistake was not that I whispered audibly, but that I whispered at all

I experienced the jolt of indecision cause it did matter one way or the other

If I could tell you how I feel
what would it mean to me
what would come out
words pointing out
explaining what was inside
a mindless sea
of tranquilly
a bombed out crater
worthless bits and pieces
of dis-used trash
a common denominator
a golden rule
something of importance
the devil's work
or God's own choice

If I could tell you how I feel
the world wouldn't change
or the seas run dry
nothing, would really matter
within the blink of an eye
illusions of grandeur
delusions of gratitude
about evolutionary conclusions
would it really
be what I felt...

A good banker always gets his money back--one way or the other---period

Fear creates what we want to avoid…

Change of diet will not help a man or women who will not change their thoughts...

Evolution Revolution--guiding our fate-- There's a saying about Americans: first come the missionaries; then in order , soldiers, guns, war, whiskey, and disease...Genteelness to the light+++Sic Deus Dilexit Mundum+++ (For Those who love the world)

Wars Debt-- It is not the individual that matters; it is the plan and the incredible potentialities within him...

A dollar saved is better than a dollar earned; for it is not subject to income tax...

Sure is better than sorry...

Here below to live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often... Cardinal Newman

Everyone is here for something...

What we're watching is a series of mistakes compounding other mistakes--in the American foreign policy...

Our fear creates what we want to avoid...

Bad habits frequently express unconscious ten denies which cannot be mastered or suppressed...

The willful and impatient impulse scoffs at maturity…

There would be no vice if there were no striving for a better life; no suffering except on the basis of our longing for happiness; no deviation without the existence of the right way...

The positive is always the one found at the bottom of the negative…

Every special application means a new decision and therefore new responsibility, and every new understanding of a given statement means creativeness...

The more eagerly a person wants to avoid a mistake, the more he is bound to make it

All fear is founded on trying to believe that you are something you aren't in other words--you are trying to believe an illusion is a reality...

Fear is part of every negative emotion...

The collective Unconscious is the sediment of all the experience of the universe of all time, and is also an image of the universe that has been in process of formation for untold ages...

The conscious contains the recent object-images; the personal Unconscious, the object-images of the individual past, so far as they have either been forgotten or repressed; whilst the absolute or collective Unconscious contains the inherited world-images generally, under the form of primordial images or mythical themes…William McDougall--Outline of Abnormal Psychology-Page195

Disastrous instability…forerunners--sense organs--idea succession--variations...

You can't always go by what a man or woman says…

To live effectively is to live with adequate information

There is no way to determine the motions of ideas of thought through individuals...Historical hindsight is rarely unprejudiced...

It's not really new ideas that are needed so much as a new way of looking at yourself to get out of old ideas...

We have tacitly given the power of decision over to our adversary…Rollo May

Knowledge is the observation of a fact
Knowing is the inward experience of that fact...

Your level of mental awareness attracts the habitual life you lead...

When we have seen the vision of reality our world is changed, utterly and almost beyond recognition, and yet nothing has changed in things as they are, it is but that we have gained a new vision…It is the new vision , which is born when man is freed from the tyranny of illusion, that the whole world is changed and appears radiant with love and beauty, apparently utterly changed, though the change really is in man himself alone…J.J. Van Der Leeuw (The Conquest of Illusion)

To overcome every obstacle, to unite our beings without loss of individual personality, there is a single force which nothing can replace and nothing can destroy, a force which urges us forwards and draws us upward: this is the force of love..Teilhard de Chardin--The Divine Milieu

Status Que--good old boys--comfortable--and you are in a hell of a fix--

A few words to the ones wanting to be otherwise--

She was also the embodiment of a cold time Logic--a independent silent type which made me think of strength--I think of our sex life and am sad--What I liked most about herself, what I held fast to, she liked least…

An era of fulfillment

Is land a good investment---
Supply and Demand

"They ain't makin' any more of it---Will Rogers

Filling in-- the ocean--Ocean Villas

Most of us are busy covering up, pretending to be great pretenders--of being somebody or someone else, often somebody important or special or intelligent or the good person, putting up with another's facade…who do you think you are--huh--this fallacy in your life is a big hole"the Black Hole"of your human existence--lighten it slowly--discovering--we build or form ideas one step at a time into our reality of our social congeniality--+++ remember===aren't we after comfort and fulfillment===  security, safeness, and familiarity--fear--my friend is hidden near your soul--truth sits on the right hand side of fear--and to learn of your fear you have to be on the right side also--we cling we avoid issues--especially those pertaining to ourselves--as an individual you have no restrictions--I said as an individual--we let it appear so--hold on to your identification and what have you got---let that go and you will be full of comfort and fulfillment--simplest is best--

To deny truth of your reality
is to miss truth of your reality
to assess goodness in life
is to find your truth in reality…Corkster

I been close to a hundred years really I'm quite a few years short it doesn't matter--I still know less then ever--my feelings are still mixed and my mind can be changed at the drop of a hat or by word out of someone else mouth--follow the leader--right off into the unknown--talk about wishy-washy--no opinions--no ideas--truth is not a hidden diamond--it's not meant to offend--harbor horrible memories--or be the enforcer --it lays there waiting to be brought into your focus--guilt will stop--pressures will dwindle from a mountain to an ant hill--you'll lose weight--you'll look better--you'll feel like a million dollars--and you'll breath easier--and your smile--will be remembered--

 True compassion means having the trust to remain completely open in every situation and the confidence to respond freely without fear of hurting yourself or others…

The truth is the simplest thing, yet were always looking for bigger and better ways to embellish it…

What I believe is I need to practice being--when I allow my mind to exist in it's natural way--I can relax sit calmly and breath--being--in the moment--anything that can be done to let the body and mind work their naturalness together will only benefit-- your being

Evolution cosmic doodling what Henri Berson called +++'l'elan vital+++ which can not stop itself from infinitely producing novelties--change and modify

"I did it myself." My voice was rising higher and faster, grabbing after my own private danger "zone"

Education is a part of your resources--no-one else can answer your questions-to be or not to be that is a question --let your world collapse--I can smell this conversation something hot and humid--damp--sweet, overripe banana type, overwhelming her breath…I backed up--stared at dark, black dangerous thoughts, perhaps with claws and big shiny teeth, and threatening growls--I thought I was protected by my diploma--and my going to church every Sunday when I was a kid--I brushed my teeth morning and night--even got down out of bed sometimes and said my payers on my knees when I was really, really serious…I only stopped being myself when hard evidence was before me--and I realized if I didn't act up I probably wouldn't ever be allowed to be involved with collective human society…I was a hard case--one not expected to finish--or come out of my shell--to withstand what ever came my way--I needed liquidity and diversionary tactics--if I could fly on a cloud--I might have been undamaged wearing white and blue I could have been invisible--I wanted to shake rattle and roll--I wanted to find the position any position--especially one near all my self interests--where my selfishness could be the interpretation and I could hide under the rocks located where I could see what I needed to observe with my own eyes the inflammation when it started to rise--I knocked on this green door--and my memories answered--something was not right and change was necessary--before I could enter did I know my own password--it had some thing to do with convenient grooves--and foreign worlds--perhaps this is not like I thought

full of chaos--as I imagined--perhaps there are others ways--plastic or real--I knew one thing for sure--I had to go to the bathroom…subduing the brute instincts of the beast in me--gaining confidence I realized I'd never known submission in the my wild state…fate as a special tidbit--I knew there was no other like me in the entire world so I entered all my affairs with mis-guided self- confidence…momentarily I was lost in the sheer beauty of the living brilliance of this idea and I thought how great it was that I could play my part…but I was the soul of determination when I set out on a device of my own choosing…cold in my thoughts of utter exhaustion..night came --I felt I'd earned the rest--and the fiends in my dreams came out laughing…in the morning I was ready to pit brain and patience against the days prime moments…I always been one for the singleness in purpose toward having my own way..getting my day started is like moving a limp loosely packed sack of sawdust--nothing seems to be of any use--the only way I care to get up is slowly--it always boiled down to leaving the bed with the idea in mind I'm tired of laying here--it then develops into trying to see how slowly I can become alert--without acting like a fool--I tied a string around my finger to help--I'm playful and have a good sense of humorI usually wake early thinking my brain stays focused longer if i get up before the confusion of the day set in--but sometimes I don't want to do anything except have a day of my own-- it's on days like this that I learn the value of goals--and my purpose for being who I am--and getting to know all my contradictory habits--and wanting more of the solitary life..where I could breath real air--and not think every breath brought unclean atmosphere into my lungs…I have this bottomless bag of tricks I play on myself to keep from wandering away from home--like raining even if one drop falls, like I might have a flat, like I don't have any money, and why am I going I don't need anything, I remain obstinately individualistic…provocative, perverse, and persistent with my mind definitely on doing nothing but staying at home…I have pets--mostly dogs and have been trying to train them so they don't have any bad habits--but unfortunately I usually end up trying to stop them from just being who they are--it never ends well--a lot of shouting, threats and commands--sounds like I'm talking about children--but dogs right--animals--I had a boxer named Harvey--like all boxer heart and soul filled with so much love..they can so excited their tails wagging so hard they can hardly keep their balance--one day we went walking  down toward this pond we have and before we got their we ran into a copperhead snake--I tried to keep from harms way, yelling at him, threatening him, and hoping I could find an old shovel or large stick--I had to move away in order to find what I needed--but before I could return he charged the snake and been popped--at first when I returned he acted the proud boxer--jumping around--showing me he'd saved my life--then he slowly began to fade--the joy seemed to go from his eyes--his excitement had speeded the venom to it's goal--He knew he had done something wrong or something he shouldn't have--and he couldn't seem to understanding what was happening to him..I talked to him in a soft I usually used when I didn't want to get him excited; I looked carefully at his leg when we got home I smeared it with "Calazime" and gave him one and half aspirin brought a box in from the garage and put him beside my bed where I could lean over at night if he needed anything--I didn't know if he'd make it morning--he looked to me like he was fading fast--I finally fell asleep reading late in the night--I woke up the next morning and he wasn't in the box, I got to up to go look for him, he was in the kitchen and when he saw mere came running and actually jumped for my arms. I caught him and was slathered with kisses of love and gratitude and told me he thought he might live…then he wanted to be fed..I usually kill most of the poisonous snake I find--no thoughts or question in my mind there are always children around and I have a lot of junk--which seems to be what snakes like--So I'm aware--and the snakes know me cause they usually never encounter other snake on my land--they think they've found virgin snake heaven--but soon learn otherwise--cause I 'remade all the dogs aware also--they let me know when and where snakes are available--or sneaking and sliding around when they shouldn't be--the only way a snake gets one of the dogs now is carelessness, old age, or just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but most of the dogs I pretty sure that they want be fooled again into a snake biting them--I let them watch me as I kill snakes.. they understand---Harvey could express disgust better than any human I have ever known...

I never leave a stone unturned--looking for insects--creepy-crawlers just to see what may be living around me--I didn't really like anything sneaking up on me while I relaxed in my favorite outside lounge chair--bark, rocks, firewood, old piles of humus, bricks, used lumber,, it all got moved back nd forth depending on the season and how rambunctious I was--but I usually got around to finding black widows, snails, slugs and what ever little creature was available--I'd get my books out and start looking at what I had before me--I wanted to know the little buggers habits--didn't want him running around in my underwear--looking for things to sting